Monday, July 5, 2010

Monday Mouth Off

Since my house is clean, I will take this opportunity to answer questions I get repeatedly, via email and text, but never get around to posting. As if none of your lives will be complete unless you know.


Yes, Virginia there are chores I hate:

-Vacuuming. It's like opening a book that is 2,065 pages long. It's Quinn's job.

-Putting away laundry.

-I just discovered I loathe cleaning the refrigerator, but love having it clean. Blah.

-Washing the exterior windows, because the shrubs are tall enough to require every millimeter I have to get them perfectly clean.

-Making the bed that is against the wall, or BUNK BEDS OMG!

-Phone calls. Any.Phone.Calls.

These and organizing are not the loves of my life. I am tormented by the order in which to arrange my books, and how to arrange the crafts, which I despise, on the shelves so that I get credit for having them but no one ever notices/uses them. It doesn't work. There are pipe cleaners and glitter everywhere. Joy.

It only fair to share my favourite tasks, just for kicks:

-Laundry. (Simmer down! It does the work FOR you!!!)

-Dishes, because the dishwasher does the dirty work and it leads to a whole kitchen wipe down that leads to a whole house wipe down which ... Oh the places you'll go!

-Scrubbing floors.

-Cleaning the bathrooms.

-Polishing chrome.

-Freshly washed bath mats.

-Washing the vinyl shower liner.

-Dusting obscure areas spontaneously, skipping the days-long-dread.

-Vacuuming my car.

-Throwing things away.

-My torrid affair with the Sonic Scrubber, any time, anywhere.

-Folding laundry.

-Shredding papers. It means I've called on them!

-Bleaching sinks/tubs.

So yeah, I lovetocleanup.

Finally, a trick or two for those of you who fall somewhere in between:

-Consolidate. All dishes into the left side of the sink, all papers into one stack or tray, all lists clipped together, all laundry into hampers duh, all cords into bundles, decorative things into a container that showcases them. Fruit.

-CADDIES! Period. A counter top full of ungodly shit is impossible. A caddy full of trinkets and papers and knick knack paddywhack can be sifted through while you catch Ellen.

-Every time you use a sink, wipe up the splashes, and any specks, and re-hang hand towels openly so they dry and the next person's newly washed hands aren't drenched in some sopping wet towel. Always be surveying the area you're in. Straighten a rug, grab a Kleenex off the table and throw it away, etc.

-Set timers! Accountability! You can either set it for an hour and see how much you can rip through the whole house, or set it for 10-20 minutes in each selected room, which spruces things up nicely over all.

-Invite someone over. Not your best friend.

-Clean surfaces. This is key for me. Everywhere I am, I am wiping down/de-cluttering a surface and it doesn't take but two seconds longer than I was going to be standing there anyway.

-Minimize. Anything.

There you have it, a compartmentalization of sorts. I hope this is helpful. Feel free to continue asking questions. I'm hoping to add some backbone to this floppy blog soon. Also, ~M~ I have NOT forgotten about you.


  1. good, scrub my floors then if you like it so much. i hate that shit. except they don't need it right now. well, maybe the bathroom. wake up and hop to!

    to go along with my sparkly floors, i:
    - cleaned every inch of my kitchen. true story.
    - wiped down the counter in the bathroom and rid it of cousin it. seriously, this hair!
    - have a pissed off toddler that doesn't understand the concept of commercials. just because we have to listen about some IHOP bullshit for 45 seconds does *not* mean diego skipped out on you. holy shit, get this kid some xanax.
    - oh, bathroom. right. i also wiped the toilet down, wiped the hand soap down(ew, have you thought about the germs on those things?), moved the toothbrushes to a mason jar while the fancy fucking holder takes a ride in the dishwasher, de-cluttered the countertop, and lysoled the hell out of the doorknobs.
    - i beat the shit out of the laundry room(OOOOH, DANGEROUS) and wiped everything down with so much bleach i ruined not one, but TWO shirts. go me.
    - monthly emergency alert test? really? this kid is not a happy camper. but i mean, why the hell is he awake at 7:motherfucking30am? i love tv as a babysitter when the birds aren't yet chirping and you have some sweet cramping action going on. there, i said it.
    - dining room table is clean and sticky-free.
    - bedroom is cool.

    i neeeeeeeeed to:
    - attack the rest of the doorknobs.
    - make some crepes.
    - address this desk and give it the what for.
    - i think i have a load of laundry that needs to be folded. oh, hey, i see that's on your list of loves...

  2. Once again comforted by the fact you don't like some things, appropriately like putting away laundry and making bunk beds which are nearly impossible. I'm surprised I haven't broke ours yet climbing all over it trying to get everything tucked in. Of course that could be due to the infrequency of making that bed.

    My dishes are done and laundry back under control. Today, car!!! (Only gets done twice a year.)

    I am totally ditching my toothbrush holder for a mason jar permanently.

  3. Yeah no point in helping me yet, girl, bc the GAS has been SHUT OFF for 4 FUCKING WEEKS due to non payment since like January. Not hot water at all. No hot showers, no cleaning, no dryer for laundry.

    I did take your advice and scrubbed the tub while I was showering, the last time I was actually able to take a hot shower at home. That was a great idea, and I never thought of it, and I HATE scrubbing tubs. But that made it quick and easy! So thanks!!!

  4. We got a RugDoctor and did the carpets. It's amazing how awesome that feels. AND we rearranged furniture and gave the whole living room a new feel.

    Behind the fridge wasn't that bad...a little dusty but not filthy. Under the stove was the scary one! Ugh.

    I'm weaning Franklin so he's been super clingy. I don't know that I'll be able to get anything done today.

  5. Yay!! I <3 clean, am anti-phone, and HATE making the bunkbeds-especially the upper bunk!