Thursday, August 27, 2009

Fortunate Friday

Okay ladies, I know that Mesina would want us to get back to attacking our houses like some sort of guerilla warfare, while she herself lies around doing nothing, of course. (Hey, it's a good gig if you can get it!)

Thank you universe and all its earthly and celestial inhabitants for keeping this baby safe. It had to be so. It had to be so.

So, where are we? Personally, I crossed the 24 hour mark whereupon my gleaming house turns into a landfill despite no one being here. The beautiful vacuum tracks disappear, things spontaneously render themselves askew, smudges go on a rampage, and I scream like Kate Gosselin, demanding answers from everyone including the cat.

Yesterday I surprised myself, hella. Namely by copying Debe yet one more time, and also by kicking it into gear once my baby was okay. But surfaces were trying to call 911, it was pretty dire. I was home twice, in 30 minute increments, and luckily, I can do a quick make-over in 30 minutes.

Today, let's focus on:

-Basics (yawn). Is this getting easier for anyone? Bethany's been trying to usurp Moxie of late, so awesome! But are laundry and/or dishes getting less overwhelming at all? If not I'm not to kick you.

-Pick a bedroom, any bedroom. Strip sheets, make bed, put clothes away, vacuum, hose attachment for the trim, wash the window(s), wipe down the walls, dust your knick knack shit, everything. If you choose your kids' room, knock back some liquor, THROW AWAY everything that will not cause them PTSD to lose, and then some, hang clothes, make beds, minimize, wash window(s), and vacuum.

-On your way out, sweep your entryway and check to see that your kitchen is more parts serenity than suicide, and wipe down your dining room table.

Enjoy your efforts and brag all about it.

Your song for today is "Fun House" by P!NK. I may have already suggested that one, but yeah, it's that good.


  1. A huge thank you all once again for all your positive energy and vibes of blessings to keep the little one safe in Mama's incubator. We both love bits :)

    Today I am less in bed and more trying to actually do something before I turn into a serial killer, so thus am sticking to some easy chores than even my dogs could do. (but refuses to despite my begging) Mostly laid back stuff like:

    ♥ LAUNDRY!!!!!!!!! (insert horrific music here)
    ♥ Dishes into the dish washer - because Tahira stayed the night elsewhere and Maurice and I totally spaced that we actually dirty dishes up ourselves. Whoa like, I never realised. :(
    ♥ wiped kitchen counters
    ♥ Blogged
    ♥ Read Blogs
    ♥ Really want to get out for a walk or something but alas it's now raining. Grumble grumble moan
    ♥ Got some clothes ready for tonight seeing as we are out with some friends for dinner. BONUS: I dont have to cook! (I havent most of the week, since Maurice wouldn't let me out of bed.)

    I really wanted to mow the front lawn (ok I didnt WANT to but its pissing me off) but if I do I think I'll be single again. Pretty sure. So I will beg Tahira to PLLLEEEEEASSEEEE Do it, OR I will pester Maurice until his head blows up and he does it.

    Enjoy your weekend everyone!! xx

  2. Mesina-The contrast between your sweetness and light and your sailor mouth is stark and one of the reasons I am madly in love with you. Also, every time you reference Maurice not letting you out of bed, well...let's just say that man is my current desktop, lol. But you are the desktop in my heart.

    Way to pick up the slack that your fucking dogs left you, and I know, it's weird that dishes aren't all our kids' fault eh? I just started your blog. I need you on my feed because I never see it unless I sign into Moxie, weird. I love his head blowing up. You're so brilliantly passive-aggressive. If you mow the lawn I'm filing for custody. xoxo

    I woke up feeling like there was no oxygen on earth, so my natural response was to take every single thing out of the laundry room, wipe it down, triumph over dust bunnies (dust T-Rexes really), shake out mats, organize shoe rack, scrub, polish, hang clothes, empty waste basket, gaze upon an empty laundry sorter, and then put everything back in and feel as though I had done nothing. I then moved onto the kitchen, where I remain, half finished, in my underwear, with company en route, more or less apathetic, solvents and step stools and bleach galore. Wtf ever. I've already dusted. And I think I might pee now.

  3. Oh I also swept the entire porch, while the hillbillies got down with their banjos. I organized some of the man shit, and cleared all the spider webs in Marion County, which stuck to me and gave me a heart attack. OMG I am just realizing that I am naked with people due. Fuck.

  4. My house is a disaster. Vacation, followed by house guests, followed by head cold equal abyss.

    I had to wear a dirty bra ::hangs head in shame::

    I hope Monday to have a list of all my shining accomplishments to share.

    Messina, I'm glad to hear that everything is going all right for you and your baby. Please do take it easy.

  5. I have had absolutely no motivation the last few days. I came home to a house so unrecognizable I did a double take and thought I was literally in someone else's shit hole. apparently I can't be gone a few hours without a tsunami hitting.

    so far i've:
    mopped the kitchen floor
    unloaded/loaded dishwasher
    begged kris to hook up his dryer so i can have something clean to wear tomorrow
    picked up 34857398475 toys all throughout the house. there was no need for the sit-n-spin to be in the bathroom. seriously.
    sat around listening to U2 while scoutticus-sparrow brooks danced from within

    what's left:
    everything. ugh.
    clean my new gross car. please come over and bring your giant toothbrush.

  6. Jennifer-I love blurting out "My house is a disaster," in other words I have no compassion? Lol. Vacations are worth it, colds trump cleaning, but dirty bras are inexcusable. But does that mean you'd worn it a few days already or that some baby puked on it or? I really need to know. I am eagerly awaiting Monday's Mission Accomplished. Um, I *still* have that movie.

    Debe-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Okay what were you saying? You also have spontaneous filth re-growth? Fuck. U2 is the fucking bomb. Of course it's ruined for me but I'm glad you grooved. Scoutticus made me choke and I'm in the ER. Sparrow is a deal breaker I'm just saying. My dinosaur toothbrush and I are on our way, with lots of wipes and Febreze and lunch that *I* pay for.

    Good job guys. Bethany has been making Martha Stewart cry, and sending me pics (of her house, not MS crying). Also Tavy is way OCD and in command so things are looking great, I wish she would post.

    Dawna-Where are you?



    I was in my underwear for six years today so my house is clean. Hella. But this won't stop me from inventing shit to do for Manic Saturday.

  7. Got home after working a half day and then being in Portland (hello, Friday night traffic).

    -car clean (wish it had a radio)
    -bedrooms clean
    -bought bleach at Costco while we were waiting for traffic to die down

    Still need to:
    -use the bleach (think I need an owner's manual)
    on the sinks and bathtub
    -scrub kitchen and bathroom floors
    -paint goddamned bathroom!!!!
    -pay someone to haul away all of my yard debris. oh, to have a pickup truck.

    Um, and that is a "someday" list. Someday soon hopefully. Not for now - now I am going to attempt sleep.