Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Tuesday Triumph

Today is another split day for me, meaning that before my 11:00am appointment, I will become superhuman and do things that aren't even possible, leaving myself 1.5 minutes to shower and drive downtown, which will be no problem since I will be in my superhero underwear. (Hopefully I will have the sense to don a little more before said appointment.)

Then I will come home and feel utterly betrayed by the sonofabitchin' dust, which will have been reborn and having a kegger all over my house which will propel me into an assortment of unnecessary projects in an effort to scare/outwit it, before grabbing my puke bucket and heading to Emily's to watch what is widely believed to be the most disgusting movie of all time. To quote Sylvia Plath in The Bell Jar, "nothing turns you into old friends like (puking)..."

But I must cut the autobiographical anecdotes short because a star has been born and we must delight in her success. Bethany managed to clean her entire house, with a toddler, and was thoughtful enough to send me pictures, unlike the rest of you jerks. :)

Behold her dining room:

Living room:

At last, the kitchen:

She even soaked Tavy's toys, I mean, what a woman!

Bethany's success is a double-edged sword in that we can applaud her, and yet, no one can ever say they can't do it again. You can say you won't do it, but Bethany has removed "I can't" from Moxie vernacular.

Note* If you are pregnant with my child, you may do and say whatever you want. The rest of you have this with which to contend:

-The basics. Don't give up. Don't allow them to make a mountain out of one plate. As for laundry, I recommend the loin cloth proposal.

-Today's challenge is floors, be they linoleum, wood, carpet or bear skin rug. We're getting that shit clean today.Non-carpeted areas first. Hands and knees will yield best results, and possible broken bones, so sweeping and Swiffering is a suitable alternative. Then vacuum all carpet, and if it won't kill you, use the crevice tool for the edges, and perhaps a window sill or two if you want my undying love.

Finito. Ciao.


  1. i would send you pictures, but, uh, you practically live here.

    i am not a fan of todays challenge. fuck floors. they never get clean enough for me.

  2. Debe-Well, A+ for your positive attitude, lol. Shut up, your house rocks. I don't subject myself to houses riddled with scabies and who-knows-what anymore, so you know I mean it.<3

  3. Yesterday I worked for almost nine hours and went home to clean a car. Took an hour and a half to clean out and vacuum; now it just needs to be washed. I am debating taking it to the drive through car wash when I am in Salem later. Have I ever mentioned I HATE cleaning cars?