Okay, by virtue of being in my third week of travel, scrounging up internet usage wherever I can, I have cut you guys some serious slack...and found myself on the precipice of insanity wondering how many coats of dust, elusive spots on the floor, smudges on mirrors, unmade beds, and other assorted catastrophes lurk in my house.
Today, your assignment is to:
-Go to my house.
-Sweep the porch, including mat.
-Make sure the laundry is folded. Todd will have washed it all but he gets a bit complacent about 45 baskets of clothes lying around and begins believing, subconsciously, that the baskets are just part of the house.
-Check kitchen floor for spots.
-Bleach my sinks.
-Wipe down my refrigerator and make sure Todd hasn't stacked 312 cartons of soy milk up there--he thinks I don't know.
-Straighten my living room, like throw pillows, blankets, toys, dishes, kid scraps PRONTO.
-Wipe down dining room table.
-Strip all beds and toss sheets in yon washing machine.
-Wipe down bathrooms, check the mats, possibly wash toothbrush holders.
-Sweep the laundry room, which is sorely neglected.
-Check for spider webs. If you find a spider--unlikely--put my house up for sale.
-Vacuum! For the love of all that is neurotic enough to worry from 800 miles away!
-Check windows tracks pleeeaaase!
SUCKAS! This isn't my list, it's yours. Good lord, who in her wrong mind leaves town with no plan of action for these things? Not me. Any freak worth her weight in Xanax left a detailed list of daily chores which alternate, and you'd better believe I get picture updates to verify that the kids' version of 'good enough' and mine are in the same stratosphere. I mean hell, that's what they're on the payroll for right?
So yeah bitches, this is your Manic Mission. Get the coffee and music going, put your hair in a ponytail, and bust it out.
Oh, my house *is* clean, but Todd will have undoubtedly have actually kicked 12 baskets of laundry into the corner so if someone could just go...omg nevermind, only *I* can fold the laundry. Thanks though! Go go go!