Monday, November 16, 2009

Try Tuesday

In about five minutes you're all going to have to join forces and clean the cinders that remain when I locate Blogger headquarters and burn it to the ground. I am incensed over the comment failure issue but ever-so-proud of my faithful readers, letting me know, and in some cases, *see* their efforts. But yeah the configuration of Moxieclean is apparently fraught with untold complications. Sorry.

One genre, so-to-speak, of cleaning even we OCD fanatics abhor is day-after-arriving-home-from-a-trip cleaning. All the more blissful is heading right back out onto the road. One must gut one's suitcase, as everything feels sour, do the fastest load of laundry ever, which doesn't even count as home laundry, clean the water bottles out of the car, realize that just because the clothes you had on your first trip became boring shit, doesn't mean your closet has *anything* to offer. Fabulous. Stocking Q-Tips, charging phones, checking email, racing through some dishes, dusting, folding, straightening, dyeing, unloading gifts and souvenirs, tucking away christmas presents, shaking out rugs, charging the GPS, washed toothbrush containers, blogged, remembered UNDERWEAR for the next leg of the journey, and omg, a coat! The unpacking sucks, but the turn-around is harrowing. Thank god for lists.

You, my lovelies, don't have to scream at the dishwasher to hurry the f*** up with your water bottles and toothbrush and soap holders, but I thought you might:

-Do the real home laundry...that counts.

-Do the dishes--they count too.

-Take a close look at your kitchen window sill, typically above the sink. Wash the glass, scour the track, use a toothbrush or toothpick, and some Lysol. Then make sure the wood trim is wiped down and de-cluttered. These surfaces are ickily prone to knick-knack pattywhack and we have to give it an aesthetic makeover.

-CHALLENGE: Open your refrigerator, remove items shelf-by-shelf, wipe shelves down, or run them in the dishwasher if possible, toss all tossable shit, and organize organize organize! Bonus points if you take the garbage out immediately following.

-Vacuum all carpeted flooring.

-Wipe as many baseboards as you can--with a wipe or damp cloth--until you go blind or hate my guts.

-Now look high, making sweeps and scrubbing marred areas, until your arms fall off.

-Wipe down five surfaces; dressers, tables, counters, etc.

-Surprise me! Do something horrible and I will post it!

Es muy divertirse!


  1. 1. Testing comments. If yer reading this, it's working.

    2. Cleaned furnace air intake and replaced furnace filter - less dust!

    3. Cleaned of gunk that builds up on toothpaste tube.

    New Moon out Soon!

  2. Attacked my entryway. Found an embarassing amount of dust up high on the plant shelf. The chandelier now sparkles. Relocated the spiders hiding way up high. Today the hallway is going to sparkle!

  3. ok! Well, last week saw me scouring the house until there was no dirt left even in the foundations of the place...leave it to out of country company to spur me into omfgheissonotgonnaseemyhouselikethis mode. It worked and my house was so clean I ate off the floors to prove it.

    Not that he's gone, I am back to looking around and saying wtf happened here?! IT WAS CLEAN! Laundry is being caught up on...what 4 days does to the laundry basket is so scary. things are being scrubbed down again and pretty much the nesting pregnant lady in me is seeing dirt and screaming at it triggering a spray gun of disenfectant until it all goes away.

    It's like that...with hormones. xx

  4. Anonymous--"Fer?" Toothpaste tube? You should quit the crack.

    Stacey--Way to go after dust, my nemesis! What is better than a sparkling chandelier? Um, I don't do spiders, but yeah for your bravery. Watch out hallway!

    Mesina--I heart scrubbing the foundation. I would propose a lemon-scented Lysol martini, but not while you're growing my baby. I'm sure you're slacking hell of now (rolls eyes). But you should probably rest, all that Dutch wore me out.

    Whipped though my door yesterday for a glorious seven hours with Quinn and Reilly before the turnaround. Washed all laundry, swept the laundry room floor, halfway put away previous round of hanging clothes, cried about how many clothes I have, made Reilly clean my bathroom sink, where there were globs of toothpaste days old, which had turned into mints, essentially. Explained my standard again. Ate birthday cake, caught up on computer shit until I went blind, goaded the kids into doing some chores, since Papa is a bit lackluster with the cattle prod, sorted trip pictures (tedium ftl) and showed the kids things from the Castro that prompted side-splitting dialogue. We recently had our hard drive rebuilt so not killing anyone, especially the tech who did it, was unbelievable.

    I can't decide whether to toss out any old blog right now or wait an hour and post pictures of what my house looked like upon my arrival after a weeklong voyage...yeah, I'm gonna wait for the pictures.

    Muy bien!