Saturday, March 20, 2010

Mindful Midday Saturday

Today is all about music. Fresh music. And fresh coffee. Even for you east coasters and Egyptians and selfish half-Brits who are too pregnant to cooperate. All of you, brew up a killer playlist and some java and let's save what's left of this beautiful day.

I haven't been to Starbucks in four months and decided today that that was really fucking stupid and pointless and screeched in and ordered two of everything, including the cute kiddie thermoses that are nine years too young for my kids, because Starbucks mania is serious business.

Pre-screeching, I:

-Made beds.

-Wiped down front bathroom.

-Gathered delicates such as runners, to be washed.

-Narrowed all laundry to be folded into one bin...which does not mean I have one or two loads, it means I'm really adept at stuffing seven loads into one bin. And so can you, it's less overwhelming.

(Then picked up my muscles for the day, since we have some major renovating going on, and proceeded to screech/overspend, you heard that part.)

Next up (weep with me):

-School shelf or so help me god I will hang myself with my Starbucks receipt. I have friends here, dutiful children, caddies, and a LABEL MAKER! Why does this chore cripple me so? I hate crafts.

-Move Quinn's (lame yellow, ahem, antique from his grandmother...for REILLY!) dresser into the garage because I loathe it and it has a horrible mirror with precious antique streaks that never comes clean, and it blocks the window.

-Replace with his original brown dresser that matches his new bed. All of the wiping and dusting involved in this swap, plus, hopefully, some sneaked culling of toys/clothes...

-Tear down blinds in there and hang a gorgeous new green curtain panel with a fantastic rod.

-Hang valance in the newly-spiffed-up bathroom, with equally bad-ass brackets.

-Oh, the kids will be humming along on their lists. (To be made shortly, once I survey the neurotic details and force them to care.)

-Fold the laundry during something new I'm trying, called a break. Any tips?

-Put all my clothing away in my amazing new showcase closet. You know, the six clothes I have left after the fire. Yesterday Ty (Farmers Insurance) said he felt pretty confident that we will receive our full reimbursement next week. He's very nice, but he's en route to Brasil right this second, for two weeks, so I'm sure his mind is brimming with worries that all my ruined flare jeans are irreplaceable and that even Torrid is selling skinny jeans. Fuck trends. I'll probably have to go to the same consignment shoppe wherein I peddle my wares to get my old jeans back. Win/win!

-Wipe down/sweep laundry room, and the ORGANIZE (the "O" word!) the cupboards. You know, laundry detergent, extra detergent, fabric softener, light bulbs, dead batteries, old cell phones, some live batteries, mixed in the battery bone yard ("Oh Reillyyyyy!"), various cords, and anything appliance or could-be-useful-looking. Dread. Plus I know there will be a spider.

-All outward bound items go on the dryer. So if you bring me a dish, next time you come, look on the dryer and you will see it. If said sorting doesn't kill me, and make me beg for EST, I will remove everything I can from the dryer and stand back in wonderment of the laundry room, and the cupboards you never knew were so disgusting. Then I will become manic and go buy new mats.

-Empty all wastebaskets/re-line.

-Sweep/Swiffer every floor, vacuuming all carpeted areas.

-Getting medieval with my lint rollers, and arming the kids with them too. Todd says it's cost-prohibitive to wash everything we own everyday because Bella lives here, so I soothe my mind by lint rolling, and wash bedding whenever he's not looking. :)

-Windex mirrors/windows, inside and out since it's so nice out.

-Possibly wash/hang dry the canvas laundry sorter bags.

-Put bags of Quinn's and Reilly's outgrown clothes *somewhere* for Pete's sake. Ugh.

-Clear all surfaces.

-Sort one last bin in the back vanity, and organize under Todd's sink, where there are still-sealed (since we never used them) things of baby powder and slimy bath toys circa 2001.

-Start drinking, and get cracking on some birthday magic for a lovely lady. Gifts borne of drunkenness are amazing...or total shit. We'll see!

Okay, since y'all don't have dressers 'n shit to haul around, how about

-All dishes, with the full kitchen wipe down, including floors.

-All laundry washed, folded, and put away by bedtime.

-Give each kid 5-10 tasks. They can do it!

-Clear two important surfaces.

-Wipe bathrooms down to whatever degree is necessary. check vinyl liners for pink scum. If it's positive, WASH! (Don't dry, duh.)

-Dust high and low.

-Wipe down your computer area, and if you really want to feel like Superperson, wiped the baseboards and cords!

-Do one ABSOLUTELY HORRIFYING task and post all about it. Comments are acting up again, so if you email me I will post them, sonofabitchin' comments.

-BONUS: Tackle one cupboard/drawer/wing of closet/etc. Do it, I'll make you labels in one of 29 fonts!

Call it a day. Join me for drinks. Read a book.

--I really hate the school shelf and can't make any promises.

On your marks...

UPDATE: Per multiple requests for photos of our unprecedented progress, I'm posting the school shelf and laundry room cupboards. You can't see the dust wiped clean, the bits of things that suddenly occur when kids touch scissors, the trash I mistook for sentiment, rogue erasers, NON-Dixon-Ticonderoga pencils (!!!), damn. The laundry cupboards somehow had a glorious solution of detergent and OxiClean all over the tile shelving. Talk about a good time. Bags of batteries, old cleaning sponges, and grabbing a handful of thumb tacks. Twice. We have also taken the disgusting white/beige/possibly mauve blinds out of the kids' room, moved Quinn's old antique eyesore dresser out, and brought his new one in, with lots of DustBusting and secret throwing-away-of-things-forever-unknown-to-my-daughter. But now we need to go buy a drill, which = stopping, which always poses the risk of staying stopped, because now we need two showers, a trip to the store [ = eating out = going to Old Navy = going to Torrid] so we'll see how we do. But for now, I am proud and thankful to brandish this awesomeness:

It's possible bitches! It is!


  1. Oh please post pictures of your success stories for all to see! It's a great motivator.

    I hope your shelf gets its ass kicked! Birthday festivities are great, have fun :)

    Today I have mopped my hardwood floors, bathrooms and kitchen. Cleaned all grout, windexed every window and television/computer, four loads of laundry, all new bedding, and organized under sinks!

    Great blog!

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  3. Welcome Danna--Glad you find my endless voyage of cleaning things that mostly aren't dirty inspiring, lol.

    While I procrastinated like a genius by bleaching wastebaskets, all around the house, my friend SPANKED the shelf. I mean, it is quivering in the corner. She threw things away that would have sent me into convulsions of indecision. Damn.

    School shelf: Check.

    Laundry room: A HARD-WON check, since Todd was rummaging through the recycling at every fucking thing.

    Laundry is hung in every doorway with care, in hopes that I don't kill myself before I have to switch two enormous dressers, both fitting into spaces that defy all physics, wipe, reassemble, ask God what I ever did to Him, but then remember immediately, dodge the lightning bolt, and finish up so as to have a thready pulse at best for bday prep tonight.

    Cheers on your mopping, and especially GROUT (blech!), WINDEX, my love, and bedding! You are most assuredly a long-lost Moxling. Go you!

  4. I think I am missing the clean gene. But today I made headway. Thanks to YOU and knowing you were going about your Sat terror cleaning spree... !!! OLD NAVY DATE SOON??? hummm???