Friday in the Fast Lane!!!

It began innocently enough. I bought a sectional sofa because a knot in the wood of our super amazing and comfy couch and love seat had caused fractures in the structure.

It was delivered this morning.

Thus far, we have accomplished these things today (1 o'clock):

-Todd shampooed the ENTIRE house yesterday. There are no words to convey my bliss.

-Put the old set out to pasture, listed it on craigslist, and someone is coming for it at 4 o'clock. I'm sad to see it go. My kids grew up with this set, and it is SO clean.

-Hauled and heaved four pieces of awkward trapezoidal sectional into the house, after removing the door, cutting my foot, and making me regret not staying in Mexico under that palapa.

-Dirt Deviled the ever-loving shit out of the sectional.

-Began voting various pieces of furniture off the island.

-Washed ALL bedding in the house, in anticipation of setting up the kids' rooms.

-Folded all laundry.

-Bleached kitchen sinks.

-Stopped to drink the mango smoothies (yes plural smoothies) Debe made out of our aging mangos. OMG. Win. (Tip: We got these on Silverton Rd. at a little stand and all 50+ have been amazing.)

-Cleaned the refrigerator.

-Sorted the kids' books. Got rid of a lot, but Quinn wouldn't let go of their childhood books, which was really sweet.

-Culled yet more outgrown clothes from both kids' dressers. Quinn gives things up freely whereas Reilly is convinced there will come an opportunity to wear the GAP 18 mos. khaki shorts she has had since she was ... 18 months. So I have to be somewhat of a bandit with her stuff.

-Constantly setting things aside for our garage sale. There are precarious stacks everywhere.

-Cleaned out all the drawers in the back vanity, like every little clear hair band and those plastic things that stores use a tag gun to attach the price tags. Those are a bitch to scrape out of a drawer let me tell you. Sharing my space with Quinn and Reilly is also a picnic, thought it's sometimes fun.

-The computer guy is here wiping our hard drive.

-I dried Reilly's 10 mile hair when I was SO hot and sweaty from scrubbing the back bathroom on my hands and knees.

-Scrubbed back bathroom on hands and knees.

-Washed all bath mats.

-Gathered two bags for the garage sale, to go with the 82936385 bags already in a rejected huddle.

-Went through the kids' art work. (!!!)

-Sorted consignment-worthy clothes from give-away.

-Scrubbed my ottomans hardcore.

-Dusted like a madman. EVERYWHERE.

-Delegated serious shit. I am a genius.

-Hung consignment clothes with perfect creases.

-Yanked the mattresses off the bunk beds and put them wherever. Nothing can stop me now.

-Just sold the old couch and love seat. Felt emotional.

-Sat on the bottom bunk and lifted the top bunk off of it, balancing it on my head like some tribal woman schlepping water in a basket, only 7,000,000 times bigger, heavier, more awkward, and African women are beautiful and I am, well ... smart?

-Did a bleach load.

-Hid these two really scratchy fucked up blankets my mom got the kids years ago (from Hell, one can only assume). They LOVE them, and I hate them, and we have blankets like The Bible has locusts so I put one icky blanket in each red ottoman. I'd feel bad throwing them out because they do love 'em, but I need a break from their scritchy-ness. Win.

-Rotated bedding. Thank God OCD means saving all those plastic zip bags that comforters come in.

-Pretend to be invisible as Todd moves Quinn's bed into his room, which happens to be literally physically impossible, yet he is doing it. It is best not to jinx it by saying "good job" or breathe.

-Packed up all Quinn's books, magazines, art, stuffed animals, toys, and prepping his 46 Rubbermaid storage drawers full of Legos, planted like so many squatters throughout the house, for the move into HIS space--(A-beeping-men!)


To do:

-Everything else. Like:

-Vacuum his carpet.

-Get his bed in his room.

-Make his bed.

-Move his dresser in.

-Move aforementioned Legos. Good riddance!

-Set up bookshelves.

-Rearrange some things in the garage. This is slightly less pleasant than having your fingernail plucked out, because Todd will get medieval on your ass over that garage, no joke. If there is any unused space, he will cast the eye of shame upon you.

-Shampoo Reilly's room, which he waited to do until Quinn's things were out.

-Make her bed.

-Organize her stuffedies. Again, just pluck a nail.

-Drain bleached sinks and do the few dishes so we can enjoy our take-out tonight.

-(I am SERIOUSLY not looking at Todd right now--EEK!)

-Re-hang everyone's posters, calendars, bulletin boards, coat racks, and weird miscellaneous things kids need on their walls because I want everyone settled TONIGHT!

-Update my iPod after Debe download hella bad-ass new music. The Beatles are getting me through this enormous, grandiose, nigh impossible endeavor to which I've committed five unsuspecting people.

-Threaten to choke Debe if she spends one more second looking at kittens with Reilly online.

-Stash things for the apartment in the Jeep.

-Keep moving things out no matter what, and clean every surface that is cleared.

-Figure out how the hell a papasan chair gets lost, find it, and figure out who gets it.

-Gather/sort/clean the debris that gets flung aside during this, the transition phase of serious transition.

-Hope and pray there isn't that ONE THING that renders my entire mission impossible.

(Like getting his bed out and in...deep breaths.)

-Post pics when it's all done.

-Shower.

-Eat like a motherfucker.

-Get really drunk. You'll drink to that once you see the pictures. Plus the piña colada mix has been calling.

Okay okay, don't stop moving, go go go! Eye of the tiger and all that shit.