Monday Monday, Can't Trust That Day

I had a dream. This means I slept. While it felt like it lasted all night, it may have only been nine seconds. I got up quite a few times, in part to eat candy, and in part to survey the damage my house endured while I was flat on my back the past four days, not that there was anything I could do about it at 3am, but still.

In the interest of keeping it real, yes my humble abode shows signs of its fearless leader being (mostly) MIA, but I am back at the helm today because someone who has a very nice house, and has never been to mine, is coming over today. Naturally I am compelled to gut the entire joint and rebuild, repaint, re-everything, before she arrives, but in the spirit of not dying, I'm restricting my tasks to the following:

-Do the (albeit minor) heap of laundry that has cropped up like a weed, and fold it.

-Clean, de-clutter, sweep/Swiffer, and wipe down the kitchen. Including wiping down the refrigerator from top to bottom.

-Not let my kids slide on their chores just because it's hot.

-Get rid of a wasps' nest I just saw outside, ominously perched under an eve. (How do I do this?)

-Hang up my high society laundry, which includes removing all the dry laundry from the bag lady rack, hoisting it atop the mountain already being sorely neglected in the bedroom, put it all away. (I hate this because I am always four hangers short, even if I buy more. This is when I either cull certain garments out for a swap, or demote them to a lowly life in my dresser, with all the other lesser-thans.)

-Sadly bid farewell to the roses Megan brought, as they have become an emblem of death rather than life.

-Cursory wipe down of both bathrooms.

-Find and toss five things from the front room in whose absence my eyes can rejoice.

-Refold all throw blankets in living room and ponder why we have 8,505 of them.

-Continue to lose the battle of crap on the computer table. No sooner do I find a handy basket for all the discs, games, etc., then Reilly joyously brings home seven new Sims games, giving clutter its hard-won edge over my sanity.

-Peek in the kids' room (which looked okay last night) to make sure there are no more Hurricane Katrina victims huddled in the aftermath.

-Wash laundry room door (with Mr. Magic), sweep, wipe down washer and dryer.

-Ditch the junk mail that is presumably waiting to be shown who's boss.

-Organize some kitchen drawers if my energy holds. After all, how can an OCD mind thrive when BRITA filter replacements live in three of the four drawers? (Scream!) The mishmash of it all!

-Casually mention to Todd that the value of our lives will be increased 100-fold if he screws hooks into the cabinets so I can hang my colanders and get them off the ever-loving counters.

-Empty all wastebaskets.

-Conjure up an excuse for aforementioned guest as to why there is banjo music playing on our entry porch, along with a broken down Chevy Nova and several filthy, barefooted children. (Read: Five bags of cans and bottles, awaiting their trip to Fred Meyer, and a cat food dish.)

-Anything else I can do if I'm still standing.


You all can select any of the grunt work from my list, or you can do these things:

-Basics.

-Empty all wastebaskets.

-Wash all bath mats, welcome mats, throw rugs, and sweep and Swiffer floors while they're gone.

-Do a cobweb check in all high corners.

-Dust window frames. Wash a few windows?

-Throw three things away off your computer desk.

-Clear and wipe down your dining table.

-Tackle one drawer in the kitchen that stresses you out, if you didn't do so this weekend.

-Take two Kirkland Wipes into the bathroom and remind it who's boss.

-Wash pet food dishes.

-Make all beds.

-Give your entryway a once-over.

-Walk through the house once and clobber anything you'd prefer a guest not see.

That's it ladies and gent. Report back with your progress.

(And FYI: Aside from a protein shake and meds and bleaching the stopper in my sink and starting laundry, I did not bust out my customary pre-dawn madness because a) Everyone was still asleep, and b) I need Vicodin first. Lots.)

Come one, let's tell Monday to suck it!