Friday, July 10, 2009
Fancy it Friday
Sometimes when one is pondering how certain people can be absolute douche bags yet sell themselves to others as freshly spun gold, it can become 4am very quickly.
Technically, my Friday has commenced, and I'm up. I just arrived home from a friend's house and was immediately assaulted by all the signs of non-OCD life that abound when I'm away. A bag of kettle corn on my counter, two, count them two, glasses of water on the night stand by my sleeping son, some sort of avalanche of Capri Sun boxes everywhere. Todd discovered the no-sugar ones. I also spied and errant manila envelope gawking at me, napkins sinfully askew, an empty Brita filter, a load of my delicates in the washer that will have to wait until morning, when I can remove currently hanging clothes and go through that whole process without waking everyone up. There is a sea of beads all over my dining room table that seemed like a beautiful idea earlier when I was making a bracelet for a friend's child, but now I want to scream.
These are the things I will remedy before...staying awake. 4am is a weird time to be up with energy. It's also an unfortunate time to be trying to go to sleep, since every channel features Billy Mays screaming at you to buy Sham-Wows (we already did, and RIP). I've yet to see if they've replaced him.
Anyway, I'm headed to the kitchen to straighten napkins and make sure the curved handles of our knives are all facing east. Then I'll do the rest.
Now it's your turn:
-I want your kitchen to shine by noon, no exceptions. Use coffee, Red Bull, your children, meth, whatever. Noon. Tell me you did it.
-No more than one laundry basket full of clothes crying to be folded. I realize some of you are likely very skilled at heaping 17 or 18 loads into one basket, lol.
-This is your only major task, and each of you is capable of it, it will take 30 mins: Walk from one end of your house to the other, and remove every single object that does not belong. (Like stupid errant manila envelopes.) Papers, toys, books, mail, things you think you'll get to but won't, hairbands, iPods, etc. Gather it all and sit down with it and hopefully throw most of it away, reassigning keepable things to their rightful spots. This may or not inspire you to wipe down the surfaces you've just cleared.
-And for god sake hang a key rack, because I was having palpitations over Karinda losing her keys.
The heap may be huge, just throw it on the floor and sort it out watching anything but Oprah.
Off to contemplate and clean. I hope the rest of you are sleeping. Except Mesina. I hope you are calling me. :)