Sunday, July 26, 2009

Sunday's Sunny Sermon

It is too fucking hot to ask you guys to clean. Everyone is either pregnant and/or lacks AC, so I just feel like an asshole posting anything other than: Get in the water!

Personally, I got home late last night after an adventure I so wish I could share, and the house was actually cold enough for me to pick up some slack. I wiped, dusted, folded, swept, picked up slivers of Ramen, made my bed, printed out directions to the pedicure party this morning, at which I will be pampering mamas with bad-ass foot treatment, Starbucks, and liberal use of the word 'fuck.' One of my old classmates from Newport High School, whom I haven't seen in 14 years is coming from Newport. Yea!

Thank god for AC in the car.

So listen, for those of you needing a free pass, I'm doling them out, this heat is brutal. For others such as myself who'd sooner gouge an eyeball out than watch the house snickering victoriously, here are some ideas for chores that might not kill you:

-Put crime scene tape over the oven. Eat salad, order out, microwaveable entrees, cold cut sandwiches, anything but the oven.

-Close blinds.

-Do things that don't require rigorous bending. Swiffering is cool. Wiping counters is cool. Picking up all the toys in your child's room is not cool, unless s/he lives in the freezer.

-If one section of your house is cooler than the rest, go there. Scrub something. Drink something. Drag your laundry in there. Pull a different project in there.

-Only attempt to clean your car very early in the morning and/or if it's in the garage. I failed to mention my car lives in the garage.

-Spray your feet with a standard household spray bottle.

-Wear a wet cloth around your neck.

-Take a cool shower, previously coated in Ajax, and scrub as you dub. I just did this this very morning and felt like a genius.

-Windex mirrors.

-Use disposable plates/utensils. Only run the dishwasher at 2am.

Any or all of this will impress. We can resume our dedication later next week. (Except you Mesina, it's raining there, you had better work your ever-loving expatriate ass off! And then rest and call me!)

Let's get a sloshing start!


  1. We scored a tiny AC! WooHoo! I'm so happy! Of course, my mom is like, "Whatever." lmao. what does she know?

    I started in on a project to get the dining room under control with Herman still occupying it.. He's not back up in his game room yet, but I can't wait any longer. So I'm slowly pulling things out of the disaster of my dining room, culling out what we don't need, and putting it back in a more organized fashion.

    So, aside from dishes and living in my mom's ac'd room, that is what I will be working on. With at least 2 fans on me at all times. :)

  2. Give me an S! Give me an A! Wow, I totally know that sudden burst of determination to clean an area, no matter who is there, what you're late for, or how daunting the task. Yea for you having energy.

    And sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet that Herman scored that AC. It may be little but it's a start.

    I'm sending you strong thoughts of throwing things away. In fact, come out today and show me your bag o'trash and there will be a handsome pedicure in it for you.

    I jumped up early in preparation for being gone and:

    -made the bed.

    -made coffee/protein shake.

    -got last load of laundry going.

    -swept/swiffered the kitchen.

    -swept laundry room.

    -used a lint roller on my bath mats.

    -wiped down computer desk.

    -wiped down kitchen.

    -got pedi supplies ready.


    -organized shoe rack.

    We'll see what happens later. With enough caffeine I may triumph over this heat. Or I may die. Either way, have a great day.

  3. I am officially madly jealous of you all who get to enjoy sunshine!! Ok Im not exactly a summer swan, I'm more of a winter whacko...however the older I get the more I at least pine for the odd day of heat to kick in my motivation. So I asked and instead you recieve...NOT FAIR!

    However you'll have to wait until tomorrow to get anything good out of me...since...well...Im still working :) I will however be getting off work only to cook a whole chicken (am I stupid? Why yeeeees!).. do I get brownie points for that?

  4. Mesina-Whole chicken? Gross. Brownies are a better idea!