Monday, August 10, 2009

My Monday

32 l-o-n-g years ago today, I was born, all clean, thank you very much, and my mom will tell you I was her easiest birth. You will smile, and then she will tell you that I was also her most difficult to raise, and how at birth, I immediately surveyed the room and looked askance at her, and then regale you with dozens of stories you will find charming and I will hate and deny.

For instance, our only source of contention when I was a teenager was cleanliness. We had giant house overlooking the ocean, which Mom kept plenty clean, and she loved agate hunting. After working like 17 jobs, she'd go scour Quail Beach and bring home her booty. But, she would put the sandy wet agates on my counter! Er, her counter, but still. OMG. I would get so incensed. I'd get mad if the carpeted staircase wasn't swept daily, if the 1,000 sq. ft. of wood flooring in the living room wasn't cleaned by hand with Murphy's Oil, basically all the same things that make me mad now, only I was a teenager, supposed to be out raising hell, and really had no business raging around my mom's house.

The classic story is this one:
One day while Mom was at work, I went on a cleaning rampage. I know, I know, you wish your teenager would rebel this way, but I was ridiculous, manic, angry about agates and clutter. Mom had this one section of counter top where her bills were sorted out. I sort of knew this but mostly it was just clutter so I stacked it all neatly and threw out old coupons and stuff. Later that night Mom was looking all around the kitchen, with escalating panic, trying to find her paycheck. I didn't take it, obviously. Finally she said, "Cheyenne, could you maybe have thrown it away when you cleaned?"

Indignant, "Um no, I'm 15, not two." Mom continued to look, becoming semi-frantic. Finally I snuck outside to the garbage cans just in cans just in case someone other than me had somehow gotten her check into the trash. Sure enough, there it was, wadded up tightly. "Shit." I had to go in and present this mutilated check, and what's worse, I had to be wrong. Mom was...glad to have her check and wondered aloud if I might have a disorder of some kind. Nail? Head?

I could go on with cleaning misadventures all day but the geriatric ward only allows us to use the computers for a limited time.

But I got new caddies (caddy's, caddeez) last night, I'm stoked!

Today I am going to:

Bask in the glory of having cleaned my entire house this weekend, and let my kids stay on top of the little things.

You can:

-Tackle those dishes early, wipe down kitchen, appliances, floors, counters, change hand towel, things that make you go "Ahhh..."

-Get that laundry started and swear you'll get it folded by _____o'clock.

-See if your bathroom is crying out for Ajax. I think it is. Sinks and toilets are nothing, tubs are harder. Sprinkle it in, then take a scrubby sponge with you into the shower and scrub then. It's so much easier.

-Toss bath mats (all mats, everything named Matt) into the washer and sweep/Swiff your bathroom floor(s).

-Vacuum your carpet.

-Spend five minutes on your entryway.

-Rid your living room of that which does not belong.

-Clean one surface.


  1. Happy Birthday! You and my best friend share the day. Enjoy your clean house. I scrubbed my bathrooms last night, so I could wake up this morning without wanting to set fire to them. I'm off to the shower and will then tackle the dishes and laundry.


  2. Happy Birthday, Chey!!

    All I can say right now is that I am neither a morning, nor a Monday person, so getting going isn't exactly happening quite yet. . . Could have something to do with the fact that I am lacking coffee.

    I have a ton of things to do today since we were gone all weekend and we need some groceries but I have yet to decide if the shopping will get done today or not. I ABSOLUTELY have to get the cesspool that is my van dealt with though!

  3. Amy-Thank you. Hooray for clean bathrooms. And I totally support fires when necessary.

    Dawna-Haven't you been out of coffee for like nine days? Go hit that Starbucks across from JC Market on your way to Fred Meyer because if you shop at Walmart I'll kill you. If all you do is get coffee, shop, and clean your van today, you will rock my socks.

  4. Happy Birthday!

    Simple plurals do not need apostrophes, they simply need the correct plural form. So, 'caddies', not *shudder* 'caddy's'. Unless you're using the possessive form, in which case 'caddy's' is correct. My OCD spot, 'kay? And I usually suck it up. ;P

    Washed and dried clothes yesterday (following your directive!), now I need to fold them.

    And get me and L dressed before Bethany arrives.

  5. Happy Birthday Chica!

    I cleaned my kitchen on Saturday and promptly destroyed it with lunch with family yesterday.

    The rest of my house still is a disaster like that you saw on Thurs and my son broke my toilet seat. Fun times!

    I hope you have a great day today.

  6. Katie-Yeah, it hurts, it really does. Like, in my soul, in my eyes, just everywhere. I just want to scream "Doesn't anybody READ?????" Jesus. I am also excessively fond of random quotation marks used for emphasis, such as: Slurpees on "sale!" I die a little inside as I see the grammatical foundation of our country erode with every sign like that. I should make new blog, but I'd probably kill myself.

    And it's not OCD, it's just correct.

    But, it's "...get L and me dressed..." ;)

    Great job on those clothes!

    Jennifer-Hooray for Saturday, boo for Sunday. OMG all I can say is I am thanking god *I* did not break your toilet seat.