Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Time for Tuesday

Now that I'm 32 I feel entitled to really boss all you young'ns around. For those of you tempted to point out that you're 37, 41, 88, save it. I'm old and haggard in that way in which you must obey your elder.

Yesterday was splendid in that I awoke to a house full of balloons and streamers and gifts my Reilly set up after I was asleep, just as I always do for them. My house sparkled (it wasn't meteors, it was my kitchen), and the kids made sure it stayed that way.

Today I'll be frying the following fish:

-Breakfast--I broke up with avocados. It only takes one bad one.

-Do the six dishes in the sink.

-Scrub the old decrepit bathroom wall that prohibits me from having people over.

-Scour bay window.

-Wipe down all chairs.

-Go on a smudge rampage.

-Call a freaking sorceress to cast the spell of perpetual dust from my life.

-Disinfect doorknobs.

-Go though at least 65 more blank disks so as to upload, categorize, or toss.

-Maybe paint my closet doors. They suck.

TUESDAY FOR YOUS DAY: (Yes I died of cheese poisoning typing that but wtf, you try conjuring up a new series of witty shit every morning at 2am so my New Yorkers won't email in protest. They're very...assertive.)

-Wipe down tables, stools, and chairs.

-Disinfect your doorknobs too. (Hello, Swine Flu.)

-Wipe out and bleach or Ajax all your sinks--ahhh.

-Empty wastebaskets.

-Start making a pile/bin of all your whites, to be bleached (or green version of bleached) this weekend.

-Thought you were getting off with no mention of laundry or dishes? It will never happen. Meteorize the shit out of everything, so we can sparkle in Morse Code.

Have fun! Pink is the new coffee! And coffee is the old coffee so have that too!


  1. I have to say that I love these earlier posts, because I check between seven and eight and this is when I plan my day. Floors are on the agenda today and I will definitely do the wipe down you suggest (as well and totally try and fail to catch up on laundry). Three boys, 20 outfit changes each because of mud and water, an accountant husband by day and painter by night -- you do the math.

  2. me and moxieclean are breaking up because i am having panic attacks thinking about what i will be going home to.

  3. I just have to start by saying that, yesterday I opened up a can of whoop-ass on my cesspool of a van and now it looks like it did when it rolled off the showroom floor, YAY!

    Today, laundry and dishes of course, vacuum downstairs (at least), reclaim my kitchen countertops from their clutter. . .give the downstairs bathroom some attention.

  4. I need help! The vacuum cleaner has been broken and the new one will not be delivered until sometime tomorrow. Sweeping the carpet ain't cutting it. I'm just about ready to rip the carpet out and live with sub-flooring. Is that acceptable?

    Also, the hard stains in the toilet have me baffled. Suggestions, anyone?

    I'm going back to bed.

  5. PS: I LOVE your birthday portrait! I can't believe how young and carefree you look. Amazing! Did you go to Glamour Shots? I wish I could have looked as good as that when I was your age.

  6. Tuesday is my crazy busy day. I go in to the office, then to my study group, then run errands. For the first time during this pregnancy, I came home from my Tuesday and thought I might die. My legs were like rocks and I had to immediately sit with them elevated for awhile and relax once I arrived home. This was torturous as there were dishes staring me in the face and I hurt too bad to be able to do them. It was MISERABLE. By the time I was feeling more able-bodied, I had to fix dinner for everyone.
    So here it is after 8pm and I am scrambling. I just made the bed, asked my dd to clear table, am getting up to do those dishes (FINALLY!), and if there is enough for one load of laundry, I'm gonna throw that in too.
    As I cannot handle not being able to clean due to my body being against me, I spent my evening cleaning my 2 year old's room as I can get the entire room efficiently organized by scooting around on my bum and occasionally asking my toddler to throw things away or help with those darn plastic dinosaurs.
    ...SO TIRED...

  7. Dishes and laundry is about all I had energy for when I got home today from a doctor appointment in Portland. I'm a slacker, what can I say? Hopefully after tomorrow's (three!) appointments I'll feel a bit more energetic.

    Karinda - you sound like you are getting close to your time! Yay!!!

  8. Mama-I applaud your efforts and honesty but speaking strictly mathematically, um, we don't frolic in the mud here. Wait, I'll have mutiny if I go any further. Okay, so ask your eldest to round up and put the muddy (shudder) frocks in the wash, and possibly enlist some kiddos in the laundry process? Good job wiping down. And thank you for appreciating the earlier posts. I write them when I'm asleep, obviously.

    Debe-I've got your back. It's taking everything I have not to say more.

    Dawna-Showroom vans, vacuuming, and bathrooms oh my! I bow to you.

    Karen-Pardon me while I laugh and beam with pride that you can't wait until tomorrow for your vacuum. Let me know if you want me to bring my Kirby over (actually it's still in my car from whoever the hell's house I cleaned last), so that your new machine doesn't scoff at your one pine needle. Welcome to Moxieclean.

    Karen-What the fuck are you talking about? There has never been a decent picture of me in all the world. Oh! Granny! Got it. Bitch. Your floors have crumbs. Kidding, love you.

    Karinda-There will be no dying. I love legs made of rocks. If it helps, in solidarity with you I got home from an appointment and slept for 784397309945 hours, waking only to eat half my birthday cake, and again to a call that I had to be ready for my movie date in .5 seconds. Damn I looked as hot as a hooker washed up on the Hudson River. Let me know when you want me to whirl through with my wash cloth contraband and help you feel more relaxed? Less like a rock? What a day, I hope you're snoozing. <3

    Susannah-You did a lot today, and your house is only ever a 1. (1 is clean with one plate in the sink, 10 is well...living organisms dwelling unbeknownst.)

    Awesome ladies!