Seriously Saturday

Yesterday was fraught with calamity and yet I still went to bed (in theory) with a clean house. I just didn't clean the whole city as expected.

But I've slacked long enough and I'm ready to get ferocious about my Saturdays again. Alas, I do owe a dear friend some seriously grueling and despised (even by me) sorting, which I can say because she's awesome and doesn't read this blog. So, I will have to be a speed demon, which ought to be easy considering I am always speedy and sometimes demonic.

Here is my list today:


I have long given up on recruiting you guys into my sickness, but you do such a wonderful job devising your own strategies and successes I am always beaming with pride.

Not sure about the temp today but I think we can ratchet things up a bit.

Some tips:

-Make every movement count. I swear to god I even wipe down the counters while the Brita is filling up. Pick up bit and pieces as you walk across the carpet, straighten pictures on the wall, grab wayward hairbands and other assorted shit off countertops as you walk by. Always rotate laundry, put those magazines in an orderly stack. There are so many things you can do in one second that are pleasing to the eye.

-Set your timers for different areas.

-MUSIC MUSIC MUSIC!

-Water.

-Basically have a damp cloth at all times.

-Never let something that boils over stay on the stovetop for longer than five seconds or you will want to slit your wrists later.

-Reward kids with ANYTHING to pick up coats (if anyone is wearing a coat right now you belong in the psych ward), toys, dishes, etc. They may balk but it teaches them good habits I swear.

-Decide to do your sitting tasks (ie-folding) first or last because ladies, doing it in the middle will ruin your life.

-Use a kid wipe to wipe down your toilets in between proper beatings.

-Clean in your underwear.

-Pull your hair back.

-Invite someone over, but not to take a bath, that is just so very wrong.

With this in mind, try the following:

-Duh. Do I have to say it?

-Clean out refrigerator/freezer if you ignored me earlier in the week.

-Pick one area to wipe until it's raw and crying. Or you are.

-Remove five items of clutter.

-Sweep/Swiffer/vacuum floors.

-Strip, re-make beds and make sure your room is a sanctuary rather than a landfill.

-Pray for Jennifer, a treasured Moxling, whose grandpa had a heart attack and is experiencing difficulty in the family.

Okaaaaaaaaaaay? I didn't ask you to run, you guys can do this and more. Regale me asap!