Sunday, August 23, 2009

Super Sized Sunday

Um, may I just point out that even God took a day of rest but that Karinda had a human being come out of her vagina and she's posting away as if she merely ran to the store. Christ lady, you wore me out waiting, and you're all casual now. So I'm not cutting you any slack. I promised you bathrooms whenever you want, but other than that I'm cracking the whip!

Today I need to focus on deep cleaning otherwise I feel scabies burrowing into the cracks and into my kids' beds and whatnot.

It shall go something like this:

-Whine for a Starbucks coffee and act like a beached whale until Todd relents.

-Text him while he's in line to ask for a blueberry muffin too (he LOVES that!).

-Wait until the jolt hits, like a power surge, while he watches SpongeBob and I contemplate the likelihood that he's retarded.

-Jump up and declare that everyone must be cleaning or else. I'll fold the blankets, make the beds (strip the sheets, etc.), get laundry humming, bleach sinks, thrash around from my high, write lists like a mo'fo', ignore the serious of eye rolls, turn on iTunes, deaf to the screams of pro-SpongeBob protest, and blurt out random, impossible tasks until Todd announces that he and the kids are leaving. It's our Sunday ritual. Then my emotional kite falls to the ground, and I scour my playlists for anything that will supplement my coffee and get me going.

-I start in the kitchen because it's central and always unacceptable no matter what I do. I will bleach the garbage can, the linoleum, scrub the refrigerator, dishwasher, stove top, microwave, then switch the bleach to tthe other side of the sink. (I found my stopper! I had taken it to someone else's house to use.)

-Next I will attack cobwebs and if I see a spider I will call 911.

-After this comes wiping down lamps, followed by ordering Mr. Magic to wipe the walls, which need to be painted again so it is already futile and yet I will do it anyway.

-I will hang our US map to hide the scratches on the wall and feel amazing for thinking of that.

-I will scrub the bathroom floors on my hands and knees.

-I will clean windows.

-At last I will have a massive panic attack from the coffee and take a Xanax, and say nothing of this when Karen says let's go have coffee. I'll just tell her I'm on meth.

For those of you who haven't deserted me:

-D&L, duh.

-Feed your crippled chickens, if you're Sam.

-Today let's work on closets. Pick two. Bring a garbage bag. Throw things out, rearrange, find bins/caddies, dust while you're in there, hang jackets in descending order on white hangers only please. Pretend people look in there. Can you afford a shoes hanger? They will rock your world. If anyone shops at Walmart don't tell me but that's the sort of thing you can get there for like 2 cents. Any other closet. Hall, kids' room, your room. They key is to throw shit away. Then organize in order of priority, then condense, then stack. It's the best. You know, colour-coding your clothes never hurt anybody either.

-One quick de-clutter and you is done. Bathrooms yesterday, closets today, oh what bliss is in store next? As if you all listen to me. I'm just the Queen Consort. But I love you.

(Truth be told, these are the Chicks I'd like to have wander into my house please.)

For Amy, who asked about bleaching the sinks. This is like two cups of bleach (the straight stuff, I'm nor green), filled up with scalding hot water, and you can see my magical blue stopper in there, as well as that stupid decorative flowery thing, which I leave in so as to sparkle too. The water stays hella hot for a long time so I use tongs to remove the stopper then switch to the other side, and just rotate sinks throughout the day. Even the kids notice! (I do recommend scrubbing them out a bit first, like toothpaste globs and soap drops and whatever.) But this is what it looks like, please excuse the chips in the porcelain:


  1. Hi.
    Ok I am seriously jealous that Karinda just had a baby and is posting. Like wot?! When I have this baby you won't see me for a while...cos I'll be whining in bed and breastfeeding, crying and laughing at the same time and already seeing the baby hit 5 years old before I know it. Umm...yes I'm nuts, so shoot me.

    Today however I am sitting at the desk, working, which so far is very slow but yesterday was so busy I couldn't fart so it's ok! (for now!). Tomorrow I will be cleaning a bit, because I have work all week while the kids are gone. *sigh* So I'll clean and scrub, work, have lunch, clean work, Pfft. Don't be jealous of my uber awesome lifestyle! (riiiiight....)
    Your post was so funny Chey, I was pissing myself with the starbucks requests, muffins and spongebob retardedness. I love you...more than coffee (SHOCK!)

  2. Today I:

    ~Made Coffee
    ~Asked for Help
    ~Twitched a little over how gross my house is
    ~Plan on going outside to let Riok run off some of his, "Holy @*%!, there is a new baby" energy
    ~Plan on taking more baby pics with Tami help.

    PS. I am exhausted and miss BabyDaddy terribly, I am *not* superwoman!!!

  3. Mesina-I'm beginning to feel like we've crossed the line of innuendo, with which I'm totally down, but it's probably best for Lips that we are separated by an ocean, and that I don't fly. I love you so much but must confess that laughing at my jokes will win me over every time. Um, just a quick fyi: There is no saying 'fart' on my blog or in my life. I'm glad my post amused you, it's about time I could reciprocate.

    Karinda-Aw, I felt all tender and female reading your post. I know you have visitors crawling in and out of your asshole but seriously, my offer stands for household help. I'm sorry BD can't be there to support you. Is he working or is this just the schedule? I'm so glad you have Tami, but if you need reinforcements, you know I'm only one 12-hour country drive away. I don't cook, but I make a mean pasta salad, glorious enchiladas (green sauce because you dislike red), uh, some other shit, but I also carry a cleaning supply tote because none of my friends share my cleaning fervor, and my Kirby is portable, meaning it weighs 1,000 lbs. but I can lift it. Okay I think that is the last time I can offer without it being stalking, so feel free to scratch out a desperate, "C..h.e.y..." whenever you need Hurricane Ajax! Go easy on thyself Mama, you just did amazing things and the high may be wearing off and that feeling converging with reality can be a kick in the teeth. Um, name? <3

  4. Ok, first off, Karinda, let Chey come and give you a break. Look at it as extra time to spend with baby and Riok.

    Today, like yesterday, while taking care of the kids (and now my incapacitated husband,) I will do my best to do what I can. For sure, at least Savannah's bed sheets.

    Wish me luck!

  5. Done some dishes. My sink is still overflowing, but at least we have things to eat off of now. This is the downside of cheferizing.

    Washed and dried laundry and diapers, but still need to put them away. At least they're out of the utility room.

    J decluttered the living room significantly, but the Infanta is bent on recovering every newly-cleared square inch of floor. As usual.

    Need to figure out something to make and take to Karinda!!! Darn it, why do you have to be one of those people with dietary restrictions!! <3

  6. Alright, spent most of the day in Lincoln City at the urgent care facility for Steve's back. . .then went to Fred Meyer to pick up meds. . .

    Once I was FINALLY home again, I did manage to conquer a couple loads of laundry, some dishes, bathed four children, changed 1-1/2 beds, picked up a bunch of toys, worked with my children in their workbooks. . .

    Not bad given that I spent a large portion of the day doing little to nothing. ;-)

  7. Ugh. Housecleaning? What is that exactly?

    *I did some dishes.
    *Mopped my kitchen floor, because my dog is in heat and dripping all over it.
    *Fed a chicken several times and worried that I'm slowly killing it for feeding it incorrectly.
    *Cooked an actual meal for the first time in 2 weeks.
    That may be about it.

  8. Dawna-Jesus why don't you just open a B & B, dang! How are you managing everything?

    Katie-Hooray for clean diapies, clean butts trump dishes. Also, yea for J, whom I don't know. Finally, I am paralyzed by the rampant dietary restrictions within this group too, lol.

    Dawna-Lincoln City = a van full o'kids right? OMG. Also, I hate to stereotype but injured menfolk are ... um, harder than four babies? Plus baths, and workbooks? Do you homeschool? Little to nothing my ass. You rock.

    Sam-You've beat your own record--kudos! Hey I have a box of preemie chinchillas, 17 of them, all injured. I'll drop them off tomorrow. You did a lot, be proud.

    Once again I awoke in need of doing 98345895 tasks before my bladder perforates or something. Got the last load of laundry started, swept, stripped sheets, bleached one side of kitchen sink, went out to coffee, came home and bleach remaining side of sink, by which point more clothes had gathered despite no one being home??? I dusted, AGAIN, swept the kitchen, cleared the counter, gave a cursory swipe to the sinks, slept for two hours and woke up thinking it was week later and didn't even hear my texts--which *never* happens. Then I woke up and ran several hundred errands.

  9. No, I do not homeschool. I am just encouraging their desire to learn.

    No! No B&B-I'm kinda funny about my space. . .I just can only stand to look at clutter for a short amount of time. ;-)

  10. J is Josh, my husband, who is far better about housework than I am.