Saturday, August 15, 2009

Sweet Little Saturday

Ladies, we are keeping it simple, because that's my prerogative as Moxie. Hell, how do you know I didn't walk home from south Salem to NE at 2am? You don't. I'm calling a short day, mostly because my house is clean, and since Todd and the kids are away, what little disruption, disorder, and/or dishes they leave in their wake (um, is it I Love Alliterations Day?) is nowhere to be found and I scarcely touch anything, nor am I home.

And the other reason is that you all join Witness Protection and shit on the weekends and no one shares my Saturday Super Mania.

So, today, after taking 415 Excedrin, washing some possible vomit off of me, and apologizing for posting late, I will:

-Sleep more. Well, at all.

-Blog the awesomest blog on Brilliant Monster.

-Fold the one basket of laundry.

-Put all clothes away.

-Dust, the insidious fucker.

-Scrub entry way on hands and knees.

-Gather all the magazines I try to relish because my kids are very literate, but secretly hate because they don't self-destruct after being read.

-Wash assorted delicates because there's a funny story.

-I've been through 485748565 disks, only 8394745 to go...

-Check garbages.

-Go to Costco.

-Pick up and/or make a snack for a BBQ later.

-Oh! Burn down the deli. Watch it, I'm unsafe, very prone to assaults!


-Forgive me for being so late. It was...a night.

-Today, I want all your whites in a bleach load (or two, whatever). I am talking socks, underwear, sheets, towels, wash cloths (Shhhh...don't tell Karinda), hand towels, everything. Use a little extra bleach, wash on warm, double rinse, and you will be more inspired to fold gleaming white laundry than you ever thought possible. This is mandatory. Do it.

-Stay on those dishes. One thing that frustrates me is when the dishwasher is full and so is the sink, and Quinn is sleeping off his most recent 5" growth spurt. So I get out my uber-shi shi dish rack and wash the dishes right then, giving him double the workload, which only makes sense since he wakes up double his size every single day. Come on ladies. I saw Dylan Costello, the sweetest little eight year old, scrubbing the cupboard faces in their kitchen yesterday, really doing a great job, getting in the crevices and everything. Know why? He lubs his mama. All her kids do, they were so eager to help, have such great attitudes, they get along, and yet Chloe said 'fuck,' so I wasn't all awkward for being a heathen. Oops, I'm accidentally blogging...Dishes.

-Grab your lint roller, and run it across anything that requires some sprucing but not full-on cleaning. I use mine on bath mats, suede ottomans, blinds, the runner atop my bookshelf, throw rugs, and my hair. As if I can spare any.

-When your bleach load is done, put another splash in the machine, and toss your plastic shower curtain liner(s) in, on warm. Then just carry them wet back to the bathroom and re-hang. Yes that 12-hook shit will make you feel woefully lacking in the bicep department, but it's so worth it. For those of you with shower doors, shut up. Run an empty rinse load after all that bleach. Really.

-Anybody in a position wherein clearing off your washer/dryer might enable you to fold sooner? If so, what the fuck are you waiting for, lol?

-Put all clothes away.

-Dust picture frames, hutches, fans, lamps. Feather dusters are easier but damp cloths earn you an A+. Ha, Karinda, try to catch me! <3

-Please come over and help me with my school shelf? I am so ashamed. I cannot deal with board games. Why are the boxes in such non-uniform, fucked up shapes? OMG. We have no dining room table. Cleaning is my specialty, not organizing. Please help.

-Inspired by the Costellos, and their ready willingness to throw shit out (a very common barrier in my help with others), I want everyone to throw away 25 things, whatever.

Okay, happy Saturday. Looking forward to the one comment...


  1. I have a houseguest coming Monday, so here are my chores today:


    50,000 more loads of laundry washing sheets, more sheets, towels, and diapers. And whatever clothes got dragged out of the dirty basket by the toddler.

    Clear off the dining room table.

    Figure out what to do with the zillions of zucchini (you're not the only one who alliterates!).

    Strangle the toddler (not really).

    Get J to vacuum, since he's much better about actually doing it than I am (even though I do a better job).

    Start beans soaking for the chili I'm going to slow-cook for dinner Monday (while we're spending the day getting our friend from Lacey, WA).

    Work on Bethany's carrier! She already paid me, and I havent touched it since before the heat wave. >.<

    Pray the toddler's gorram frakking teeth come in, so I can maybe contemplate getting some decent sleep soon.

  2. ok, whew. Company is officially back in Holland as of today and the visit went very well! The week was mad, sooooo much happening I can't even begin to...erm,begin. But I will catch you up when I'm not quite so tired. :D

    The house is now in need of a huge overhaul, so I'll be here bright and bushy Monday to get some inspiration! Hope you guys all had a great week and enjoyed the silence round here! Muahh ahh!!!

  3. i don't think i own bleach. i do need to wash my shower curtain though, been thinking about it for a while (thinkin' ain't doin', are you ok after reading that?) you need board game boxes from the container store. i don't have any but i keep the idea in mind in case all the broken, mishapen boxes drive me over the edge someday.

  4. Like Gail, I don't have any bleach. I'm becoming more and more convinced that I do need to get some though; you may have a convert soon.

    As for your comment about the shower doors - I HATE mine and would happily trade for curtains. Which I may well do soon once I have the money, since Allison was the only one who ever liked them.

    Hope you got some much needed sleep. <3

  5. Alright-

    I'll have you know that in addition to getting in some good visiting time with family and having some fun with my kids I also:

    -cleaned my kitchen; including cleaning off those neverending cluttered countertops (YAY!)
    -vacuumed the fireplace room and downstairs living room
    -picked up all of Cody's cars. . .
    -put away the baby's playpen that we rarely use anymore (Yahoo!! that cleared some space!)

    Feels fantastic to have been able to get stuff cleaned up and have fun time!!!

  6. I kinda want to give up. I'm tired and am hoping for the day when I can say sorry ladies, no cleaning, was busy having a baby.
    Today I:
    ~Let my two year old watch movies ALL DAY LONG.
    ~Fed him chips & apple slices as actual meals.
    ~Let him eat them on the carpet.

    & Still Didn't Vacuum or Dust.

  7. Hang in there, Karinda. You will have that wonderful baby in your arms soon. <3

  8. Christ. The one day I am running on the emptiest mental tank imaginable and everyone comes crawling out of the woodwork to proclaim their productivity, when I can barely type and suck Reese's Pieces off the keyboard that I dropped because I'm literally deceased and lack the dexterity to hold them.

    Katie-50,000 loads rocks and soaking beans and sewing things are incomprehensible to me, I applaud you loudl

    Mesina-Whatever. Yours are the posts I count on to keep me ... no appropriate adjective is emerging from the quagmire of my brain. Those douches trashed your house? Dang, the Dutch are bastards! Can't wait for your Monday report.

    Gail-Get bleach.

    Susuannah-Get bleach and shower curtains. Those doors suck.

    Dawna-Are you motorized?

    Karinda-I want to come watch movies and eat chips and apple slices as actual meals on your floor. Burning the wick at both ends is great until the flames meet in the middle. I love your rebellious side, your candor, and most of all, hope you're not gnawing off your flesh waiting, like I am. How many weeks? 50? All my love and OPI!