Saturday, August 15, 2009
Sweet Little Saturday
Ladies, we are keeping it simple, because that's my prerogative as Moxie. Hell, how do you know I didn't walk home from south Salem to NE at 2am? You don't. I'm calling a short day, mostly because my house is clean, and since Todd and the kids are away, what little disruption, disorder, and/or dishes they leave in their wake (um, is it I Love Alliterations Day?) is nowhere to be found and I scarcely touch anything, nor am I home.
And the other reason is that you all join Witness Protection and shit on the weekends and no one shares my Saturday Super Mania.
So, today, after taking 415 Excedrin, washing some possible vomit off of me, and apologizing for posting late, I will:
-Sleep more. Well, at all.
-Blog the awesomest blog on Brilliant Monster.
-Fold the one basket of laundry.
-Put all clothes away.
-Dust, the insidious fucker.
-Scrub entry way on hands and knees.
-Gather all the magazines I try to relish because my kids are very literate, but secretly hate because they don't self-destruct after being read.
-Wash assorted delicates because there's a funny story.
-I've been through 485748565 disks, only 8394745 to go...
-Go to Costco.
-Pick up and/or make a snack for a BBQ later.
-Oh! Burn down the deli. Watch it, I'm unsafe, very prone to assaults!
THOUGHTS FOR YOU:
-Forgive me for being so late. It was...a night.
-Today, I want all your whites in a bleach load (or two, whatever). I am talking socks, underwear, sheets, towels, wash cloths (Shhhh...don't tell Karinda), hand towels, everything. Use a little extra bleach, wash on warm, double rinse, and you will be more inspired to fold gleaming white laundry than you ever thought possible. This is mandatory. Do it.
-Stay on those dishes. One thing that frustrates me is when the dishwasher is full and so is the sink, and Quinn is sleeping off his most recent 5" growth spurt. So I get out my uber-shi shi dish rack and wash the dishes right then, giving him double the workload, which only makes sense since he wakes up double his size every single day. Come on ladies. I saw Dylan Costello, the sweetest little eight year old, scrubbing the cupboard faces in their kitchen yesterday, really doing a great job, getting in the crevices and everything. Know why? He lubs his mama. All her kids do, they were so eager to help, have such great attitudes, they get along, and yet Chloe said 'fuck,' so I wasn't all awkward for being a heathen. Oops, I'm accidentally blogging...Dishes.
-Grab your lint roller, and run it across anything that requires some sprucing but not full-on cleaning. I use mine on bath mats, suede ottomans, blinds, the runner atop my bookshelf, throw rugs, and my hair. As if I can spare any.
-When your bleach load is done, put another splash in the machine, and toss your plastic shower curtain liner(s) in, on warm. Then just carry them wet back to the bathroom and re-hang. Yes that 12-hook shit will make you feel woefully lacking in the bicep department, but it's so worth it. For those of you with shower doors, shut up. Run an empty rinse load after all that bleach. Really.
-Anybody in a position wherein clearing off your washer/dryer might enable you to fold sooner? If so, what the fuck are you waiting for, lol?
-Put all clothes away.
-Dust picture frames, hutches, fans, lamps. Feather dusters are easier but damp cloths earn you an A+. Ha, Karinda, try to catch me! <3
-Please come over and help me with my school shelf? I am so ashamed. I cannot deal with board games. Why are the boxes in such non-uniform, fucked up shapes? OMG. We have no dining room table. Cleaning is my specialty, not organizing. Please help.
-Inspired by the Costellos, and their ready willingness to throw shit out (a very common barrier in my help with others), I want everyone to throw away 25 things, whatever.
Okay, happy Saturday. Looking forward to the one comment...