Friday, August 14, 2009

T.G.It's Not 106 degrees!

We have officially cycled through, reduced, reused, and recycled every excuse not to get this cleaning done.

I am not blameless. One of my favourite tasks is bleaching the sinks. I pretend it means the house isn't a two-cent shit hole. Anyway, my brilliant little blue rubber stopper was nowhere to be found, so I took the entire day off. Seriously. I even let a Sharpie pen sit without the lid for 45 minutes before I screamed and flailed. I offered Quinn a dollar to find the blue thing and he was as excited about a dollar as the rest of us, so, no dice.

I did get a lot done though, enough to be able to go help a friend clean this morning without making my own house cry. Ooh, that means Starbucks. (Turns into Smeagol.)

After helping said friend, I intend to conquer the better portion of this list:

-Get milk on the way home. Did you all know that my household absolutely cannot function without milk in the house, but that none of us drinks it straight? A little trivia.

-Rearrange my back porch because Todd seems to think shanty towns are en vogue or some shit.

-Wash all mats.

-Sweep/Swiffer floors while bare.

-Strip/re-make all beds.

-Put clothes away and feel guilty for being such an Old Navy whore.

-Find the blue thing? Ask someone for a dollar?

-A fierce, Olympic-caliber 20-minute de-clutter.

-Dust, because I've slacked for .009 seconds.

-Sort more cds.

-Clean refrigerator externally.


-Have a hay day throwing shit out of Todd's closet and the kids' room. That's what you get for leaving me alone all weekend suckas!

-Fold the one bin of laundry. Mariska, where for art thou?

-Wipe down computer stations plus cords.

-Pick up Coscto stuff.

-Get into some trouble with Debe.

You guys can see if any of that suits your needs, or:

-Keep dishes stacked in an orderly fashion and do them all, at once, wiping your kitchen down as you go, including floors. Five minutes people.

-Get that laundry started early and keep in mind that at least your ass isn't scrubbing that shit against an old wash board. See? Folding isn't so hard.

-Go into each bedroom and have an honest talk with the windows. Windex, toothbrushes, wash cloths, all worth it. Seriously.

-Wipe down your computer and its 48455 components. Including cords.

-Toss five things.

-Make sure your washer and dryer have nothing on them that is not vital to the washing process.

-Same for your refrigerator. The top ought to be bare, and it's not a photo album. One or two fave shots, a couple really worthwhile coupons, a little saying about fairies, anarchy, bliss, whatever. That's it.

Get it? Got it? Good!

If anyone wants a major transformation in her life, I will burn you a copy of Pink's Funhouse, which Raven just brought me. OMG. I'm dying in the best way. Die with me!


  1. Shit! I worked all morning until it was time to go to Alissa's doctor appointment and still didn't get my house "presentable".

    I folded laundry, did dishes, tidied clutter. . .


    -two loads of laundry completed
    -1/2 finished kitchen (d'oh!)
    -picked up kids rooms and hallway and vacuumed all of the above. . .
    -made the downstairs bathroom presentable to some degree (it's still in the throws of renovation. . .I know, will it ever be done?!)

    Today I will be taking my mac to the mac store in hopes of figuring out the solution to why it won't charge all of a sudden. . . waaaaa :-(

    -taking the kids to visit grandma and grandpa at their motel and go swimming-(I can't believe they aren't hounding me yet!)

    Anything else I get done is a bonus! ;-)

    well, off I go!

  2. Dawna-That's all you've done? You are, a complete and total failure, lol. Damn.

  3. Last night I... unloaded and reloaded dishwasher, ran 3 loads of laundry (not folded), put my bookcase back in some presentable order, picked 1,000,000,000 pieces of tiny crap off my floors. recycled papers, cleared my dining room table, fed us cereal for dinner, swept the kitchen and entry way, took all the toys that think they live in the living room to their proper box, rolled and stashed sleeping bag. Managed to cram most of my recycling in the garbage closet, straighened my back deck... I think that is it. I did all this while spending hours on the phone tracking down and sharing information about my grandfather.

    Before I went to bed I stoppered the bathroom sink and...

    you guessed it...


    Maybe tonight I'll actually get the "cleaning" done or at least laundry folded. If you and your nifty Kirby want to visit my house I won't say no :-)

  4. buh. my house is disgusting. i am pretty sure the only solution is to blow it up/move.

    today i have:
    cleaned my bathroom
    cleaned the kitchen
    picked up random clutter that makes me homicidal(socks, a screwdriver, empty vitamin water bottles, and random dead basil leaves)

    later i will try to:
    clean my bedroom
    clean the hall bathroom
    laundry. oh god.
    unpack. oh godx2.
    do something with these fucked up eyebrows

  5. I would love to read a very detailed account of your sink bleaching procedure. I'm being lazy today, resting on the laurels of yesterday's cleaning frenzy. BUT...I have about four loads of laundry to fold and it must be done before I go to bed.


  6. After arriving home from La Leche League meeting and a visit with a friend...
    Oh, and after crying for a couple of hours (there might have been reasons for the crying, but it probably just narrows down to me being far too pregnant)...

    ~Stripped, Laundered, Made Beds.
    ~Blew up Birth Pool
    ~Did Dishes
    ~Washed, Dried, Folded 2 Loads of Laundry
    ~Organized my Daughter's Desk in Family Room
    ~Collected Dirty Clothes from Childrens' Rooms
    ~Made Lunch/Dinner
    ~Paid Bills/Budget

    Really Need To:
    ...but really don't wanna.

  7. Jennifer-My favourite task of yours was picking up 1,000,000,000 pieces of tiny crap off the floor. You know how I love exaggeration! Also, cereal for dinner and bleaching, damn, you've got me hot under the collar. My Kirby and I would love to visit you any time. I can get it up the stairs but you know I get that weird vertigo gown down. Wow, you're so rad, and I'm so glad your grandpa's okay! Breathe!

    Debe-I can't even take your posts seriously, so I will just use this forum to laugh at you out loud, until I puke orange Vita-Juice or whatever the hell it was out of my nose. You handled that surprisingly well. Your house was clean enough for me to sleep in, you pass the test. Oh godx2 = A+.

    Amy-I scour the sink with the scrubby thing, super clean, stop the drain, fill halfway with scalding hot water, pour in a cup or (a little more) of bleach, keep filling as high as you can. Let it sit for a long time while you fold laundry. Then use tongs to release the drain because the water will be hella hot for 65 years, watch the water rush down and your sink will shine as though from heaven. Repeat. Enjoy!

    Karinda-Um, what is you, Hercules? Well, is you? You busted my balls, that is amazing! Blowing up the tub has me so dizzy. Has this baby idea simmered down or is there still hope or?

    You guys rocked my...flip flops!

  8. C-
    You're so silly, you know I have electric pump for birth pool...I hardly have enough of my own air to breathe, let alone blow up a birth tub. LOL