Friday, August 14, 2009
T.G.It's Not 106 degrees!
We have officially cycled through, reduced, reused, and recycled every excuse not to get this cleaning done.
I am not blameless. One of my favourite tasks is bleaching the sinks. I pretend it means the house isn't a two-cent shit hole. Anyway, my brilliant little blue rubber stopper was nowhere to be found, so I took the entire day off. Seriously. I even let a Sharpie pen sit without the lid for 45 minutes before I screamed and flailed. I offered Quinn a dollar to find the blue thing and he was as excited about a dollar as the rest of us, so, no dice.
I did get a lot done though, enough to be able to go help a friend clean this morning without making my own house cry. Ooh, that means Starbucks. (Turns into Smeagol.)
After helping said friend, I intend to conquer the better portion of this list:
-Get milk on the way home. Did you all know that my household absolutely cannot function without milk in the house, but that none of us drinks it straight? A little trivia.
-Rearrange my back porch because Todd seems to think shanty towns are en vogue or some shit.
-Wash all mats.
-Sweep/Swiffer floors while bare.
-Strip/re-make all beds.
-Put clothes away and feel guilty for being such an Old Navy whore.
-Find the blue thing? Ask someone for a dollar?
-A fierce, Olympic-caliber 20-minute de-clutter.
-Dust, because I've slacked for .009 seconds.
-Sort more cds.
-Clean refrigerator externally.
-NOT EAT TOMATOES NOR PEPPERS, GOOD CHRIST, LEST I DIE!
-Have a hay day throwing shit out of Todd's closet and the kids' room. That's what you get for leaving me alone all weekend suckas!
-Fold the one bin of laundry. Mariska, where for art thou?
-Wipe down computer stations plus cords.
-Pick up Coscto stuff.
-Get into some trouble with Debe.
You guys can see if any of that suits your needs, or:
-Keep dishes stacked in an orderly fashion and do them all, at once, wiping your kitchen down as you go, including floors. Five minutes people.
-Get that laundry started early and keep in mind that at least your ass isn't scrubbing that shit against an old wash board. See? Folding isn't so hard.
-Go into each bedroom and have an honest talk with the windows. Windex, toothbrushes, wash cloths, all worth it. Seriously.
-Wipe down your computer and its 48455 components. Including cords.
-Toss five things.
-Make sure your washer and dryer have nothing on them that is not vital to the washing process.
-Same for your refrigerator. The top ought to be bare, and it's not a photo album. One or two fave shots, a couple really worthwhile coupons, a little saying about fairies, anarchy, bliss, whatever. That's it.
Get it? Got it? Good!
If anyone wants a major transformation in her life, I will burn you a copy of Pink's Funhouse, which Raven just brought me. OMG. I'm dying in the best way. Die with me!