Monday, August 3, 2009

Tuesday in Tears

In perusing my Moxieclean archives yesterday, I realized two things: I am in serious need of some technical help with the blog format. This one is not as user-friendly as Brilliant Monster, and it's pissing me off. Anyone got the savvy and the time? The second thing I noticed was that the more descriptive I was in my routines, particularly the inclusion of pictures, seemed to result in higher productivity. Thus, I unfurled myself just long enough to post a success.

We have this tacky, shitty, and every synonymous adjective, built in hutch that I filled to the brim with pictures of my kids. The five doors are paneled with glass, and all the shelving on the inside is glass. This alone is reason enough to ignore it for nine years, which is exactly what I've done. But it has been driving me mad because our dining area is where we occasionally do lessons, and the prolific filth thriving in that hutch is seeping into my brain. I'm certain it has hindered our consistency with home schooling. So Saturday, when I had a thrilling five hour conversation with Mesina, I was able to open the doors, and wipe down every single one of the 456485208 pictures in that hutch, as well as the sticky dust off every shelf, and the walls and the doors. I was so excited. Forgive that I have been relegated to my cell phone, Todd likes to research new cameras for years. But behold my success:


Hutch in disguise (yea!):

Yesterday also found me folding 709 towels, plus clothes, resigning myself to the stark reality that the dining room table is the new school shelf. I also burned six compilations for a friend, took my kids to the park, didn't kill myself when Reilly brought hand-caught minnows home from the canoeing trip this weekend, wiped everything down, made lists to last the whole week, de-cluttered, hung the map, and a little of the this-and-that moms never remember nor get any credit for.

Yesterday I asked you to post your most despised chores, in a brilliant evasive maneuver. Here's what we've got:

Mesina said...

5)Scrubbing bathtubs and showers - I dunno, it's just one of those things I put off until I sigh and think ''Fine, I'll do it since we won't actually GET clean in a dirty tub''

-It is laborious, but I swear that sprinkling your cleanser in the sink, toilet and tub is the way to go. Sink is no problemo. The toilet, I don't know what goes on in your yours--we plant roses in ours. The more often you do it, the less evidence there is of things you'd rather not think about. Then you get in the shower with a scrubby sponge and scrub while you're in there. Less bending, easier over all.

4)Toilets - because I know what goes on in there! I clean mine regularly but still, it's not a job I love.

-See above.

3)Cleaning windows. I dunno, it's just not something that turns me on ya know? I usually put that job off until I look out and think ''huh, that's the 5th day of gloom. oh wait, no that's the fucking window''

-This, I dunno, maybe you're nuts. It takes five seconds per window, and don't be using that green shit. It's Windex baby. Again, the more you do it the less disgusting the tracks get too.

2)Cleaning out the car. Good god, it's something I have to really really get motivated for. I drag Mr Dyson outside and he and I both have a moan over the shit that gets in the car. I hate it, hate it hate it.

-Okay, your birthday is coming up and what women would give up a chance for jewelry or a getaway when they could get a SHOP VAC!!! It's the answer. Mine is always right there, I vacuum the whole Jeep in five minutes. Shop vac.

1)Mowing the lawn. Cos if I have to drag my motherfuckin' ass outside and mow it myself I am usually so infused with anger that HE didn't get around to doing it and that now my lawn looks like a goddamn jungle with monkeys and shit actually eating bananas outside. I usually swear to a point I kick the lawnmower hating it's guts for existing and that fuckin grass that insists on growing JUST TO PISS ME OFF and there is no way that JERKASS is getting ANY DINNER TONIGHT let alone SEX and he can SUCK MY BIG ASS TOE later!!!!!!
August 3, 2009 4:06 AM

-Couples therapy. (Monkeys, lol.)

Dawna said...

My least favorite chores. . .

#1 Pretty much anything that doesn't result in some form of instant gratification

-Agreed. That's why wiping is popular here. And throwing things away. And moving things. De-cluttering. I hear you.

#2 Cleaning up after pets who can't seem to figure out the difference between grass and my carpet! :-<

-I am anti-pet by virtue of OCD. Bleach? Febreze? Adoption?

#3 emptying the dishwasher

-Word. All that bending, and sometimes steam. Katrina is old enough to empty it and just stack the dishes on the counter, that's how we started. Saves you the bending. Have Alissa put the silverware away.

#4 folding and putting away laundry

-Folding doesn't bother me but putting away sucks balls. Can the girls and hubby put their own away? Then you just have the little ones and you. Go naked during the day?

#5 scrubbing floors-in order to do this properly it requires me crawling on the floor on my hands and knees-ouch. IF I make the mistake of trying to do this standing, I am nearly ALWAYS disappointed.
August 3, 2009 8:15 AM

-My ideas are: Kids, Swiffer Wet Jet, sit rather than hands-and-knees, stop spilling things.

Mama Nirvana said...

I HATE picking up the random clutter that my kids leave behind. Usually it ends up on different parts of the floor, so I am constantly having to bend over. And I also HATE laundry. My husband used to do it, but he has been working lots lately and has passed the buck on to me.
August 3, 2009 3:48 PM

-Okay this is not a joke, buy the biggest kid rake you can find, and rake the shit into their rooms. Limit your laundry to two loads a day and have oldest child (Noah?) fold? Give him a dollar?

Karinda said...

#1 Bathrooms. All of it, toilet, showers, scrubbing. They are gross and they are always dirty even in clean homes. I just hate deep cleaning in general and the definition of bathroom cleaning is deep cleaning on a regular basis. It pisses me off!

-Okay. First, anger management. Second, the more often you do cursory wipes the less deep you have to go next time. Wear gloves, set a timer, be glad you're not a proctologist, and just go.

#2 ANY deep cleaning. Stoves, fridge, underneath stuff.

-Hmmm...this is my specialty. Music? Get all zen? One appliance at a time? Use kick-ass solvents to minimize output.

#3 Dusting and Maintenance. That regular crap that you have to do all the time yet it's never done. Like every time C says go around w/ wet rag, I'm thinking F U and the wet rag you rode in on cuz it is ENDLESS. The dust accumulates daily and I have old crappy furniture that makes it more obvious.

-Um, hiding under my wet rag.

I enjoy laundry, dishes, general pick-up (toys), and I really get off on organization. Also, I am dying to come mow Mesina's lawn like RIGHT NOW!
Do you wanna know why? Too bad, I'm gonna tell you anyway. Exercise sucks. It is stupid, it is pointless, it is irritating. Walking when there is no destination, swimming in LAPS?!!? These things drive me insane yet I still like to complain about my cottage cheese bum. Anyway, mowing the lawn is like exercise that has a point. The grass is getting cut AND I'm moving my body, utilizing my muscles. It is very satisfying.
August 3, 2009 10:45 PM

Thank you guys for sharing, I hope I was useful to some of you, and that Karinda doesn't own any heavy artillery that could reach Salem.

Today I will:

-Label disks, hopefully mail.

-Windex lizard cage.

-Put my clothes away.

-Go to an appt.

-Organize gazillion disks on my desk.

-Doing something with Quinn's outgrown clothes. He outgrows everything in one month because he is apparently Kareem Abdul Jabbar.

-Get rid of old law books, sadly. I can't handle antiquated textbooks. Blech.

-Secretly wield a woven square made of cotton that is not cotton and cruise nonchalantly through the house occasionally letting mt non-dry square make contact with something for no particular reason.

-Start posting in Spanish.


-One morning load of dishes. One evening load. Trade hubby sexual favours to do one. Or whatever you have to.

-Minimize your laundry if it helps.

-Everyone make beds.

-Cob web check.

-Straighten your living room. Fluff, fold, tidy up games, dust tv, straighten bookshelf. Ahhh.

-Clear/wipe dining room table.

-Bonus points for anyone who cleans their car.

If you made it through this post, you need more coffee. And go!


  1. Spending the day in L&D again, so can't catch up on the D&L.

    Good luck, all!

  2. Ok, that bit about your woven, cotton/non-cotton cloth just about killed me I laughed so hard!

    I started a load of laundry before coming to work today. That is all I got for you these days. Sorry. But in great news, my new laptop arrived so posts and pics galore are coming your way soon

  3. C-
    I'm not truly that angry, just trying to make you've seemed down. <3

  4. i'm not reading any of that, much less cleaning it, but i'll tell you why your format seems off, your header is just too big. crop that baby up, save, re-upload it to your template, and you're good to go.

    geeks rule. so what if we lack organizational skillz? this is why we pay people to clean up after us. so we can spend maximum time being geeks.

  5. this was quick and dirty, and i know you lost the borders to the header. but just an idea.

  6. Katie-Enjoy your day off!

    Jennifer-Making you laugh was the highlight of my day. Kudos on the laundry, and I'm glad you splished and splashed the night away. <3

    Tami-I'm as handy with a computer as a turnip, but I will attempt to convey what you said to someone who knows. Thanks for boycotting my blog, lol.

    My day was ridunkulous.

    I cleaned like mad and reminded my family they are insane for failing to see the beauty and wisdom of my mania.

    Next up, dr. appt., followed by a hair experiment (jury's still out). Lastly, coffee with a friend, then home to repair the damage done by two boys home alone. There was a Goldfish cracker on an end table and an empty glass. Forty lashes!

    Laundry's all tucked in snug, things are wiped, de-crumbed, sorted, dusted, and obedient. Not bad.