Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Wham Bam it's Wednesday Ma'am

We're all coming back to life from the oppressive, paralyzing heat, so I'm hoping for a surge of inspiration to get us back on top of things.

Yesterday I was quite quite stupendous in my successful maintenance of the abode while being gone 97% of the day. I love that my kids' worst crime is one errant Goldfish cracker, presumably swimming its way upstream to the garbage.

Today will likely see me in an encore presentation of local cleaning lady for a friend, which is a nice distraction, what with Todd taking the kids to space and shit every other day, and my aversion to hanging around by myself.

Before I go, I will need to:

-Make beds.

-Make breakfast and clean entire kitchen.

-Wash linen laundry sorter liners.

-Finish/send compilations.

-Scrub all sinks, bleach kitchen.

-Dust both computer areas.

-Put MORE clothes away, and figure out why I'm such a clothes horse, damn.

-Put on a carefully chosen playlist, lest I sob into something square, cotton, made of four corners...

-Con Quinn into vacuuming. Is it worth the $2.00? Hells yeah.

-Clean off back vanity.

-Sweep porch.


-Here, drink this Kool-Aid. (Kidding.)

-Give your laundry an ultimatum.

-Fucking break all your dishes, eat off the shards, napkins, I've even known kids to eat oatmeal out of their hands.

-Spend ten minutes at your computer station.

-Ten minutes in your room.

-Ten minutes in your kids' room, and see if you can't grab some too-small clothes and McDonald's piece-of-shit toys.

-I challenge anyone with stairs to vacuum them, or sweep all the way down.

-Shake out/wash all rugs/mats.

-Clean all glass, hate me if you must.

-Disinfect doorknobs.

-Clean as you go each of the 948576856 times you prepare meals.

-Drink water.

-Give your living room a once-over and dust your tv so you can watch and fold happily.

*BONUS* Wipe down every appliance cord. Your brain will squeal, I promise.

(For those anti-clean-ites, ask Tami to come by and weed-whack all your shit and just shop vac up the debris. Also, Tami, what's with the foil? Do you not have curtains?)

Okay troops, drink your joe and get at it.


  1. Hola! Como estás? (you said start posting in spanish...and no shit for not know the upsidedown question and exclamation marks)

    ok, what haven't I done today? Omg, I'm exhausted and have earned a nap! Today I douched out the house, because on Saturday Maurice's parents are arriving. I spent 2 weeks at their house looking for didn't friggin exist there. Damn them! However they are sooooo nice and I am cleaning mostly because well...I might be their future daughter in law one day and I don't want judgements or distractions while visiting when my brain goes ''omg is that a fucking hair tumble weed on my floor?!''

    So! Today I:
    ☺ Put some carpet freshener on the upstairs and stair carpet. This stuff rocks, it really really takes the smell out ♥
    ☺ Put Mr. Dyson on attack mode and told him to sick it! He sucked the shit out of every floor today.
    ☺ Mopped the diningroom with butt kickin disenfectant.
    ☺ Cleaned the entire kitchen, including wiping down the cupboard doors.
    ☺ did bathrooms
    ☺ laundry (sigh)
    ☺ made my bed
    ☺ wiped down some walls, and the entire staircase area plus wiped down doors (more tomorrow)
    ☺ cleaned the livingroom, freshened up the sofa with spray and wiped every surface in there
    ☺ Even managed to do a few bits in the office (woot!) that it? Am I done? can I go home now? I need a nap zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

  2. shit. okay, it's only 8am and i've been awake for an hour and have done the following:

    vacuumed the entire house
    mopped kitchen and both bathroom floors, as well as entryway
    unloaded/loaded dishwasher
    wiped the kitchen down
    threw away some bullshit burnt concoction that was supposed to be a pizza, said 10 hail mary's in spanish that my house didn't burn down last night and that it wont tonight either
    made a crazy, rambunctious toddler(seriously, it's 8am. i do not want to spin you by your arms or go outside.) oatmeal only to discover he isn't down with oatmeal anymore and instead wants cheerios and applesauce

    later i plan on:

    contemplating suicide. can i borrow your scythe?
    doing mass loads of laundry
    playing outside(ugh)
    cleaning my bedroom. it's just so... ugh, i don't even want to talk about it

  3. Ever have one of those days where you work all day and still aren't sure what you did? Yeah, well, that was today for me. . .(SIGH!)

    Oh, I did "relocate" the dog. . .

  4. Mesina-How can you be so motherfucking productive and still have energy and still be nice? I read your blog and kind of want to pull your dog's hair, but it seems as though you have everything under control.

    Debe-Shut up. Your house is the Ritz Carlton. I hate you. And I'm using my scythe. I <3 contemplating suicide but find that others don't think it's as hilarious as we do. Seriously, good job being both parents while papa's away. Please tell Taylor and Maddie I will sleep with them soon.

    Dawna-I have a feeling about what you did and I say "WIN!"

    I myself was spread so thin I was see-through today, but managed to keep my pit crew motivated and get things done as I stopped to deliver treats, change clothes, change plans, etc. Laundry's done, kitchen's clean, including top of refrigerator, which apparently is mecca to dust. Things are under control and I like!