Saturday, September 26, 2009
Manic Marionette Saturday!
Marionette is moving to Portland. I know right? Who does she think she is? But I can't blame her, and in fact I'm cleaning her house so they can show it on the weekends. Yesterday was my first day and I had all my supplies standing at attention, and then had the fucked fortune of waking up with a migraine shipped overnight from satan. Now, I can handle serious pain. I can clean in serious pain. And I have never canceled on anyone in my life. But when opening one's eyes causes vomiting I would liken to the plagues and pestilence referenced in the Bible, and there is no such thing as dark enough or quiet enough and the air is too loud, it is time to text Marionette and apologize for being such a strung-out unreliable douche. I lay like that all day. It was fantastic. I am so glad I cleaned like a fiend yesterday, though there was one piece of lint on the carpet three feet away that bothered me so much I almost gnawed my tongue off but I passed out instead. I worried and puked all day about letting her down and texted Bethany until she fled Salem asking if Marionette hates me now. She was sweet and incredulous that I would care so much, and assured me Marionette didn't.
So this morning is my chance to redeem myself. After my personal chores I shall march over and turn her house into a showroom even though I don't actually want them to go and am entertaining thoughts of sabotaging...
Just a little busy. The way I like it. Todd's best friend from Hawaii is here, and we love him to bits and he's staying in the master bedroom and it doesn't bother me at all that he leaves the bed like this during the day, especially since it would be hella rude of me to make it. Nope, I just smile and feel endeared to the Maui mentality that nothing matters, not even my new comforter:
That's it, after the joint is sparkling I can go moonlight as a the most in-demand piercer around.
WHAT IF YOU:
-Break down the basics so it's not so overwhelming. Keep dishes on the left, keep the stove top clean, wipe down the counter as your Brita is filling up, sweep the floor, de-clutter, all a bit at a time. As for laundry, shit you guys I just don't know. Make kids fold, unless you have OCD. I knew someone who threw each person's clothes into a vertical pile on the back of the couch to prevent lots of wrinkles and to group them. It's a cheat but hell.
-Focus on floors. Sweeping, mopping, edging, bathrooms too, and then vacuum.
-Peek in that hall closet and make sure you see all white hangers, coats hanging, things orderly.
-Wipe door knobs.
-Anyone else change sheets on weekends?
-Make the most of every movement. There is so much you can be doing while doing something else. And so many things that you'll thank yourself for later just as you walk through your house (ie-picking up evil lint).
Also I hear Dysons are on the brink of achieving world peace. We should all get one.
Let me know, ha ha ha. As if. See you Monday!