Monday, September 28, 2009

My My Monday

How did everyone like the impromptu day of respite as I, Moxie found myself most unexpectedly in a setting where the likelihood of seeing a computer is the same as the likelihood of seeing a rhinoceros strut by wearing naught but a thong? So yeah I did not abandon you intentionally, I just learned an important lesson about letting someone else drive. Actually I guess we all learned together.

There's a little mutiny going on around here, as it seems one exceedingly tidy house guest equals a total of 18 towels a day. I don't understand. Also little things like keeping dirty dishes on the left side, and the aforementioned unmade bed, have my nerves prickly but we're hanging in there. He really is a dream of a guest, I just get somewhat frantic when people stay here because a) I don't want them to bloody well touch anything nor b) know that I don't want them to bloody well touch anything.

Today, as I await the arrival of my beloved aunt, who is staying with my mom and only uses minimal towels, I will:

-Make beds.

-Quinn. Chores. Cattle prod. (Just kidding, he really likes things just so, so he does his chores readily.)

-Fold 892347239475 loads of towels.

-Wipe down bathrooms, nothing fancy.

-Windex windows and mirrors.

-Sweep all floors.

-Undoubtedly regret the Amos' cookies I ate at 4-something am while writing this. Oh, I'm ahead of schedule on that one. Puke.

-Agonize over why Sonny doesn't make the bed.

-Dust. Especially trim around windows and doorways.

-Wipe kitchen down, hella. Even the most conscientious guest makes me feel as though my house has become a soup kitchen so I must use hundreds upon hundreds of Kirkland stupid baby-wipe-looking-pouch wipes to reclaim my space.

With everything we have planned for today and the impending arrival of said aunt, and considering I lucked out and got a surge of energy on my way home from No Computer Land and vacuumed out my car, I think this will have to do.


-Aw, beauteous basics. I'm looking at the bottoms of three laundry sorters and it is bliss. Try to get there. Mind you, I have four baskets stacked to the roof (maybe some people use one towel for each strand of hair?), so it's a process, but if you can see it to fruition you don't have to wait until heaven for your reward.

-And dishes, always the bane right? Wrong. Set your best kick-ass music and a timer for twenty minutes and get totally Quentin Tarantino in your kitchen.

-Time to fold all that you have washed.

-Pick up all errant jackets, blankets, Frisbees, what have you, and make sure they are placed in their proper homes.

-Have your kids spend 20 minutes doing chores either of their choosing or yours (or mine of you want to make my day).

-Use my lint roller trick on sofas, spot carpet check, suede ottomans, table runners, etc.

-Wipe down bathrooms with two Kirkland lame-ass packaged wipes.

-Could you, would you, clean your car?

Okay that does it for Monday. Do what you can and post your successes, failures, and mostly, make me laugh.


  1. make you laugh...ok...Reilly taking careful strips of masking tape to the foam orthopedic mattress that aunt Chachi will soon sleep on to remove the remnants of Jack's long hairs and smiling and calling it 'waxing'

  2. btw, recently i posted a comment that i could only get on as 'anonymous' about DNA. That was me.
    Keep forgetting to tell you.

  3. love the photo of the towels. i want to smell them. i wish sonny would make that bed...can you tell him i asked nicely?