Monday, September 28, 2009
My My Monday
How did everyone like the impromptu day of respite as I, Moxie found myself most unexpectedly in a setting where the likelihood of seeing a computer is the same as the likelihood of seeing a rhinoceros strut by wearing naught but a thong? So yeah I did not abandon you intentionally, I just learned an important lesson about letting someone else drive. Actually I guess we all learned together.
There's a little mutiny going on around here, as it seems one exceedingly tidy house guest equals a total of 18 towels a day. I don't understand. Also little things like keeping dirty dishes on the left side, and the aforementioned unmade bed, have my nerves prickly but we're hanging in there. He really is a dream of a guest, I just get somewhat frantic when people stay here because a) I don't want them to bloody well touch anything nor b) know that I don't want them to bloody well touch anything.
Today, as I await the arrival of my beloved aunt, who is staying with my mom and only uses minimal towels, I will:
-Quinn. Chores. Cattle prod. (Just kidding, he really likes things just so, so he does his chores readily.)
-Fold 892347239475 loads of towels.
-Wipe down bathrooms, nothing fancy.
-Windex windows and mirrors.
-Sweep all floors.
-Undoubtedly regret the Amos' cookies I ate at 4-something am while writing this. Oh, I'm ahead of schedule on that one. Puke.
-Agonize over why Sonny doesn't make the bed.
-Dust. Especially trim around windows and doorways.
-Wipe kitchen down, hella. Even the most conscientious guest makes me feel as though my house has become a soup kitchen so I must use hundreds upon hundreds of Kirkland stupid baby-wipe-looking-pouch wipes to reclaim my space.
With everything we have planned for today and the impending arrival of said aunt, and considering I lucked out and got a surge of energy on my way home from No Computer Land and vacuumed out my car, I think this will have to do.
MONDAY FOR MY MOXLINGS:
-Aw, beauteous basics. I'm looking at the bottoms of three laundry sorters and it is bliss. Try to get there. Mind you, I have four baskets stacked to the roof (maybe some people use one towel for each strand of hair?), so it's a process, but if you can see it to fruition you don't have to wait until heaven for your reward.
-And dishes, always the bane right? Wrong. Set your best kick-ass music and a timer for twenty minutes and get totally Quentin Tarantino in your kitchen.
-Time to fold all that you have washed.
-Pick up all errant jackets, blankets, Frisbees, what have you, and make sure they are placed in their proper homes.
-Have your kids spend 20 minutes doing chores either of their choosing or yours (or mine of you want to make my day).
-Use my lint roller trick on sofas, spot carpet check, suede ottomans, table runners, etc.
-Wipe down bathrooms with two Kirkland lame-ass packaged wipes.
-Could you, would you, clean your car?
Okay that does it for Monday. Do what you can and post your successes, failures, and mostly, make me laugh.