Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Wednesday for the Win!

Yesterday was hectic in that my family didn't get home until 3am Tuesday from the convention, so they flung all their amazing shit shit on my pristine counter and went to sleep until I don't even know when because I had to leave for an early appointment.

I then proceeded to waste an entire tank of gas going to the DMV, and then all the way home to retrieve the social security card they did not inform me I needed, and then back, to pay $25.50 for a picture that is going to be the cover for the 2009 Amphibian Almanac. (Shut up Debe, it's like 4-something am.)

Somewhere in there I did a walk-through of Marionette's, whose house I will be cleaning on Fridays so they can show it on the weekends. I have a superstition about committing to such things and am certain to be stricken with Hanta Virus immediately.

Today is wonky. I am completely disoriented. Last I knew Debe was bringing me food and now it is pre-rooster o'clock and I'm eating lemon cucumbers.

I see shadows of things in disarray and no children, who must have coerced Papa into spending the night at my mom's while I did my interpretive dance of Rip van Winkle.

Today in the dark I have:

-Rotated laundry.

-Found my phone, which was open and up the back of my shirt, wtf? Awkward.

-Wiped down what I could see of the kitchen.

-De-cluttered the computer desk whereupon I sit.

-Waited for dawn so I could crank up my playlist and get busy for real.


-Become the Basics Brigade. I am coming to check your laundry and dishes. And yes Amy, I remember how to get to Makai.

-Clean your kitchen floor hardcore.

-Use some all-purpose spray on your sinks, tubs, toilets reallyfast so you have to wipe them out. Bath mats in washer yet? If so, sweep/Swiff underneath.

-Empty all wastebaskets.

-Sweep non-carpeted areas.

-Pick up 20 things from anywhere.

-Strip/change/re-make beds.

-Put extraneous crap away in your room and order your kids to do the same.

-Dust a bookshelf.

I'm right there with you on all this today, plus my mind will compel me to find new and exciting ways in which to scrub my house until it becomes 2,000 sq. ft. larger.

Report back troops!


  1. Noooooooo...
    The sand, I can feel it everywhere. And socks don't help in the house, I just end up slipping on my arse and spreading it out into every corner of the house.
    Where's Mr. Dyson?

  2. And my coffee iv hasn't kicked in (yes I know it's almost lunch time).
    I did not mean to suggest that my 'arse' is removable, thereby creating a tripping hazzard. I am quite certain you knew I meant the sand created a slipping hazzard in which I landed on said 'arse'.

    Amy in Sandy Seal Rock

  3. .........and I totally meant to spell 'hazard' wrong.

    Oh where's that IV when I need it?!

  4. LOL! I must take of the blue star undies as it is time to wash them! ;-) While they're washing though I must do some reading for my classes.

  5. Don't you mean the 2010 (16-month) Amphibian Almanac?

    Sorry about that part of the DNA.

  6. Amy-LOL! Yes I totally understand the hazzzards of sand and how it creates instant sudden-onset insanity, and I also know that arses (extra point for being British) are not removable or I sure as hell would have removed mine forever ago. Did you ever get your IV drip? Note: There is no cure for the sand, you will become accustomed to the constant presence of grit in your lives. Also, do you have a Dyson? I heart my Kirby but man, I'm tempted to check these suckers out. Glad you're loving Makai, I spent 13 years at 936. Are you getting settled?

    Dawna-Washed undies for the win! Classes?!?!?!? OMG what is you a robot? Damn. Did you also clean the chimney flue and teach your kids Cantonese while painting and shampooing carpets? You impress me to no end.<3

    Anonymous-I wouldn't ordinarily respond to a seemingly thinly-veiled insult but no, I did intend to say 2009 because um, duh, it was totally tongue-in-cheek, and not a particularly vital text in my library.

    The spirit in which you made the DNA comment is unclear, so you're welcome to elaborate or you can kindly remember that this is a cleaning blog and possibly enthrall me with a brilliant segue from the DNA of amphibians to cleaning the kitchen. Ribbit.

    My house was a rebellious shit head today, smugly collecting things in corners and empty laundry hampers filling to the brim like a frothy Pabst beer. I also noticed 50 million nicks on my kitchen floor that I have been scrubbing to no avail, so that pretty much rocks. Furthermore, Todd's best friend on earth is arriving tomorrow night from Maui so every single object in the house coated itself with a goddamned veneer guessed it, DUST! Ugh. So I kept things from becoming a state of emergency and will surely kill myself tomorrow leaving no thumb tack unturned.

    Oh it is tomorrow, this frog best get hopping!

  7. I am so freaking sick today - I keep coughing until my stomach muscles flip out and force me to keel over and die. True story.

    So today I have:
    *Written a blog post
    *Did some work for clients (whoop!)
    *Coughed my freaking brains out right before the grocery guy showed up, put my hand to my forehead cos I was coughing myself a headache and in the dash to the door proceeded to slam my elbow into the door frame thereby rendering it with a BIG ASS MUTHERFECKIN' pain that is turning into a bruise that hurts when I twist it or lift anything and...

    Goddamnit I'm old.

    *Vaccumed and swept.

    *Said screw everything else - my elbow hurts and I'm coughing myself into a bed.

    Also....I'm so glad you posted today, I needed to get this off my chest. I love you. Please keep posting. xxx

  8. -hmmm. how many brochures for whitewater rafting on the Klamath does one truly need? and what about my precious collection of cardboard? and giant stuffed buffalos?

    cause I'm cleaning my garage....again...but there IS less and less stuff now.

    So, off to Goodwill for more large pieces of furniture that I actually have no use for.