Friday, October 16, 2009
For the Love of Friday
I'm not generally prone to excuses but I to have point out for those wh have never given it thought that dodge ram + Jeep + my head pinned under the wheel = fuck cleaning, inasmuch as I can rely on Quinn and Reilly to do my dirty work while I lie on the couch (doctor's orders) whimpering, like Nancy Kerrigan, "Why me, why anyone?"
So yeah. your fearless leader is OOC and I'm relying on a temporary panel to advise you. I slept at Debe's because broken body + sleeping on couch = death and my inner Kate Gosselin to emerge, while Debe'd bed is a virtual Shangri-La.
-Do all your dishes, and if you can't, convert to Greek Orthodox and throw them in your fireplace. If you have no fireplace, do your goddamned dishes.
-Do every stitch of laundry, swearing a blood oath that anything that doesn't get washed gets thrown in the garbage with the broken dishes. Or you can totally welsh out since I'm not there to see, but don't cry to me later. (Ooohh Vicodin makes me mean.)
-Debe says pull your refrigerator out and clean it up, top to bottom, the floor, the works, and I say, clean out the inside. For those of you who cook, it will simplify your life so much if you don't have 12 squeeze bottles 1/10th full of French's yellow mustard right? Also, there's always creepy shit in there, and I'm guessing the shelves are batting their eyelashes at the dishwasher. You can do it. I will be, on a double dose of Vicodin, though I concede to the fact that I will also be screaming at the refrigerator for being such a filthy motherfucker, you know, because it's its fault.
-Spend 10 minutes in each bathroom with three wipes, tossing bath mats into the wash if necessary, and possibly assaulting your tub/shower with Ajax, or your eco-loving and/or British equivalent. Then scrub when you get in to shower = brilliant.
-Your fifth and final task is to set your timer for 20 minutes and rush through your house creating space wherever you can. This can be pushing errant end tables back up against the wall, removing recycling/unused appliances from kitchen counters, throwing out (whatever), tossing clutter, hanging clothing, you get it. And it wouldn't hurt my feelings if you had a wet cloth in your hands to wipe the stuff down as you man handle it. It will, however, hurt Karinda's feelings, so shhh, don't tell her. ;)
That's it bitches. Sorry for the late post. It's amazing that black market, knock-your-socks-off Vicodin + an actual bed = sleeeep, so yea for that. Okay, we've got the E! True Hollywood Story: Mean Girls on pause, so, laytah! Let me know how it goes.