Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Moxie Grime Fighter, Game On!
I AM BACK.
Straight away I must say that I stole my title from Penn Gillette's daughter, Moxie Crimefighter, arguably the best name in the world. I've been OOC for hell of days, and in reviewing comments I was a) Thankful for the well wishes, this has been one of the wildest rides yet, with my friend's suicide being the cherry on a cake made of shit. b) Sorry that so many of you are sick. We haven't gotten it, but it seems everyone else has and few things are as insurmountable as giving a rat's ass about the house when you're dying of Swine Flu. Except of course to lament the growing mess. I applaud every slow, painful effort toward surviving this misery. c) Amused by the coward who dropped in to voice his/her dissent and indifference about the blog presumably, or maybe me, but was too chicken to give a name and too lame to see that the comment completely nullified itself, lol. So for those of you who do care, let's get this party re-started shall we?
I've been traveling a bit, and I'm guessing that that which infuriates me upon my arrival to the homestead does not apply to you. Nevertheless, here is what this one-armed monkey was faced with today: (By the way, worst OCD moment in recent memory? Having to wash only one hand so as not to get my cast wet. No, shut up. Go do it.)
-An invasion of amplifiers, which have, of course, multiplied, and set up camp in the computer area. Todd thinks if he drapes them in the brightest beach blankets we own I won't notice. So there's that.
-Beds everywhere. Apparently Todd and the kids have regressed back to the days of co-sleeping, with a side of camping, which is great except for the bedding everywhere. Why do blankets feel as unsettling as dirt?
-Netflix everywhere. I mean the literal definition of everywhere. I'm just going to open a Red Box or something.
-Three cups of tea on the stove, undrunk (wtf kind of word is that?), two of which left rings on the stove top.
-My clothes, in various stages of the evolutionary process to cleanliness.
-Throw pillows askew, and an unfolded blanket on the couch. Grrr...
-I saved the worst for last: "Todd where are the Kirkland wipes?" "We're out." FML! Thank god and everything else for lemon-scented Lysol, so I could wipe everything down.
MUST WORK ON:
-Fixing my family's new endeavor to become squatters.
-Scrub the kitchen floor with one hand; the stupid, worthless, one.
-Scrub the garbage can.
-Empty all wastebaskets.
-Sweep bathroom floors.
-Sweep/scour laundry room floor.
-Do all laundry.
-Get rid of 85 of the 100 garments I own. I'm not kidding. When 200 hangers ain't enough, you can pretty much blame yourself for at least one impoverished nation.
-Check for cobwebs.
-Answer (let me check...) eleven emails.
ANYBODY DIGGING THAT ACTION?
You can also:
-Murder your dishes and laundry. You cannot allow inanimate objects to best you.
-De-clutter, organize, and vacuum your living room.
-Get medieval on your bathroom(s). Ajax in the tub, toilet, sink, scrub in reverse order, toss mats in the wash, sweep floor, bleach never hurt anywhere, and don't forget the mirrors. Remember to check your toothbrush holder too, those things get hella nasty.
-Wipe doorknobs/handles, do an anti-swine Flu dance or something.
-Do it all with your non-dominant hand.
Okay make me proud!