Monday, November 9, 2009

Tickle Me Tuesday

Okay, OT and wholly Cheyenne-centric: I returned from my often harrowing visiting circuit pretty flipping apprehensive as to what forms of disorder and details which are apparently invisible to those with Y chromosomes or under the age of 10. Mind you, Todd is super tidy. He'd never let the marinara sauce boil over and stick on the stove top but it would never occur to him to remove the stove knobs and wipe underneath them with Lysol. Oh well, I arrived to see him wiping the kitchen down, a warm smile from our new washer and dryer set, which did all the laundry. The dishes were done, the house was dusted, and Todd got the kids through almost all the lessons for the month. I mean shit, not bad. I swept the laundry room, and spent literally two hours paying my dues for my criminal over-packing. Why is everything I own BLACK??? It was heaven hanging all my crap in my neurotic manner with one stupid arm.

Today is Quinn's 11th birthday so I spent all night giving the house the deluxe once-over so as to break out the stramers and liberate his 900 balloons from Todd's Jeep. I shan't worry about cleaning again until 55 people flood my house, ravenous for cake and to heap presents on him, leaving me with sticky plates and garbage and a semi-fake smile, lol. Luckily he's getting mostly cards with cash so that's a load off. Sadly Quinn has abandoned his nine year.tradition of eating at McGrath's in favour of APPLEBEE'S??? Thank the baby Jesus for Xanax, omg omg omg.

So in the spirit of birthday mayhem, consider the following:

-Euthanize the balloons in a heap on the floor from the birthday two months ago.

-Get those appliances humming, be grateful that you don't have a pot o'hot water and a wash tub.

-Clean some serious paper products. Toss, recycle, shred, whatevah, DO IT!

-Wash entryway/all throw rugs.

-Windex bathroom mirrors because mine really need it.

-Have a heart-to-heart with your closet and remove at least five items for a friend, swap, or for fabric, but we all have.hella excessive clothing. I am the guiltiest offender.

-Take a gander at floors and enlist brooms, Swiffers, and/or vacuums as necessary.

-Great idea from Debe: Spot treating the couch! I hope you don't need it but if you do, get some spot treatment or even soapy water no mercy.

It will be a great day if you can put a dent in this list, but I know you can. Prove me right.

(Disclaimer: On a phone, not proofread!)


  1. Tons and tons and TONS!!! (Clothing!) Forgive me if my ambition is limited. I'm not sure what the deal is but I am dragging! So far today I have folded a load of laundry and put away some odd items that were left out from the weekend. Other plans are in the works but at this point, I can't make any promises.... more later.

  2. Dawna--OMG I pecked out such a wonderful response on that goddamned phone this morning, with minimal fuck-ups and even made myself laugh. I subsequently hit "post" and the screen went blank and took my comment with it. I strangled it, even though it's not mine, cried, screamed, and had to wait like nine hours before I could even look at a screen again. Alas, I am back on the Flintstones' computer, which requires Schwarzeneggarian hand strength to type and has but one SHIFT key. SCREEAAMM!!

    Okay, as always I know you did more than you think, you always do, but purging might just be my favourite task of all--less to deal with forever more! Awesome job. Plus folding and raising your 98475 children? I'd say that's a success, bravo lady!

    I spent all Monday night scrubbing my house to its bones so as to adorn the front room with my two least favourite things, streamers and balloons. This mentally arduous task was made somewhat better by the side-splitting success of Reilly and I persuading Debe to lick a streamer. Hasn't everyone done this? I made my kids do it when they were like two, it's a rite of passage, they taste like shit and everyone needs to know just how bad it is. Every few years I lick one to see if they still do, and they do. So we contained our bursting laughter until she licked it and then we rolled on the floor. Debe punch me and left a huge bruise on my arm but I'm used to it. It was great.

    Oops, forgot this is Moxie not Brilliant, sorry. So I cleaned and hung it all up, set out presents, charged camera batteries, and in the morning I was whisking packages and envelopes--when possible--into the garbage. this years every single person on planet earth not only gave Quinn a card, but they all channeled Van Gogh or something to decorate his envelopes, which he in turn refused to throw away. THANKS FOR THAT EVERYONE!

    I did clean the front bathrrom, stock t.p. and all the hand soaps, scrub the shower while I was in it, including the tension rod thing, then took the vinyl liner out one mo'fo' hook at a time with one arm and washed it, swept mats, all floors, got all laundry done, dusted, left the glue gun out and ruined someone's geography homework, washed all mirrors and windows, and de-cluttered. Todd has seemingly declared the new washer and dryer a no-placement zone, which is so delightful I can't even tell you.

    Later I cleaned up after cake and ice cream, and organized hella shit with Todd (appointments, repairs, kids' classes) as I prepared to hit the road again.

    I have yet to clean up my act.