Sunday, March 28, 2010


I expect you all to flee in droves, but in keeping it real, I wanted to post the hell hole that is our storage room, which Todd and I are going to use our famously awe-inspiring rapport to clean today. The Lord is weeping, and I'm hoping to get impaled or maimed.

Here ya go folks, Moxie's dirty little secret:

An overview, though I couldn't push the door open all the way, thanks to every roll of wrapping paper I've ever had in my life:

Best I can see, a Britax car seat, an unforgivably giant pink horse, my old bedding set which I still miss, and bags of assorted shit:

Let's see...Pictures cannot capture the enormity of this disaster. Look closely and you'll see, buried, a mission table, a bar stool, a mesh cylinder nightmare full of Reilly's BELOVED stuffed animals, also known as "stuffedies." All told there are seven of these, some lined up outside the storage room, awaiting news of an opening. There is also a posturpedic foam mattress, and against the back wall is an unattractive shelf/hutch that was incredibly precious to my dad, who died a few years ago, because it has been in the family since the 1800's. But, I don't really like/want it. Is that reprehensible? More wrapping paper, trophies, papers, books, papers, books, papers, books, ad nauseum: (Oh, and a 4 ft. fan, a globe...)

This is just sick. Another bar stool (I had a wicked Linens-N-Things addiction once upon a time), MORE FUCKING wrapping paper!!! A pink plastic picnic tote-thing, which has been used for everything from Quinn's $400 Lego Jawa Sand Crawler, which he used to carry everywhere, and pieces would break off, and he would cry, and he would still bring it everywhere. We have used it for overnighters, laundry, cleaning supplies when friends have called in shit hole paralysis, possibly bathing, I don't know. It was sold by Target as a soft (and more importantly polka-dotted) cooler. OMG cute. Hope we can dig it out. There's also a Coleman cooler Todd has had for 20+ years. He literally uses everything until it's pulp. I also see a dreaded off-white garbage can I recently canned in favour of a white one, and the box to the new Dust Buster Max (my gift to the kids), and some box the size of a coffin. So here's that corner:

So you get it. It's bad. No, we are not hoarders. Well, I do buy alarming quantities of cleaning solvents, B&B hand soaps, caddies, apparently wrapping paper, and refills for things like Swiffers, lint rollers, and kid wipes. But the culprit here is that our house is 1 ft. squared, smaller possibly than our storage room, so when the imp of my mind orders me to get unused/outgrown crap out of the house, it goes to the landfill. Some of the stuff is straight-up garbage, no doubt. Other things are wonderful but have to be saved until we get a house that is at least 2 ft. squared. Other things have avoided the ax because of sentiment (a dangerous thing for an OCD mind), lots of it garage sale-bound, while the rest is there because, what the fuck, everything else is in there!

Todd and I made a pact to do this today, so naturally, I:

-Woke up at 6-something and LET TODD SLEEP.

-Did all the laundry.

-Swept the laundry room.

-Swept and Swiffed the kitchen.

-Organized my media card.

-Made chore lists for the kids and myself.

-Folded laundry.

-Crept about like some church mouse.

-Took pictures of this 2012 wasteland, hoping for sympathy.

So if this is not your day, I hate you.

(See yesterday's tip for cleaning your house in an hour, or come with Dawna's cattle prod to get me through this nightmare. I have coffee, cookies, chocolate, $$$!)


  1. I SO want in that room personally! I love seeing what people hold on to.

    This morning I dragged myself out of bed near 11. I immediately started the laundry rotation and took all laundry to my couch for folding, while watching Precious. My nieces, nephew and sister Pamela arrived from CA. I finished folding laundry, put away most of it, am still rotating as we speak and I took a shot at the FAIL that is on top of my fridge. It still has a long way to go...

    Maybe next weekend I'll get more done. It is too much to believe anything during the week will happen.

  2. Jennifer--HAHAHAHAHAHA I love you calling the top of your refrigerator a "FAIL!" I mean, it is, but you saying it is delicious. So guess what? I got called to an important coffee (important meaning random and got me away from the storage room) and the room is still a shit heap! Come! Eat! Sort! Laugh! No close-ups permitted, and you will have to sign a confidentiality contract.

  3. OMG, OMG, O. M. G.!! Chey, all of a sudden you are a real person to me again! The big difference between you and I is that everything I have is all over my house. You are simply smart enough to keep yours contained to a small room, WOOT! Go you! ;-)
    Seriously though, it brings me some degree of comfort to know that you really do have stuff that you don't part with. For some time now some part of me has felt like a failure because I was unable to do "minimalist" like you appear to. *sigh* a weight has been lifted! Especially since what I'm able to find time to do around here is that much less now that I'm working three days a week.
    That said, I would love to join the storage room party if I wasn't working. You'll have to post updates!

  4. I'd so come help sort. I need something to do with my free time now that school is over :-)

    I'll send you a pic soon of the fridge.

  5. Okay it's shaping up to be a full blown affair, let's do it. Jennifer let me know when you're free. There are so many treasures and horrors to be uncovered.

    Dawna--I would love to feel good for your new-found relief in being human, but since it came at the expense of my being a filthy hoarding mad mess, I have only contempt. FYI: It's not so much that I can't let go, there's just a lot of stuff we want that has to wait somewhere until a pig flies by and drops a bigger house on us.

    Jennifer your refrigerator is like the dollhouse version of the storage room. It will grease your wheels so you can come spank us silly.

  6. LOL- I totally did not mean to offend Chey. Like I said, "mine is all over my house". I would not say that you have a storage room is the equivalent of being a hoarder.

  7. Dawna--I wasn't offended, lol. It's a horrible mess. But no, not hoardish. Did you see Amber and Julius are going to be in Newport next month?

  8. Chey- No, I didn't see that.