Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Tuesday Triage Try for Triumph

1 cup black eye half swollen shut.

1 cup 102 degree fever.

10 gallons fresh squeezed fatigue.

1 9-hour nap.

1 pckg. salted trip to the ER at 2am, stir immediately and continuously.

1 pinch of accidental needle the size of PVC pipe for labs and an IV.

1 one pound bag of X-ray.

1 tbsp. unexpected diagnosis.

5 litres not enough sleep.

Sift ingredients.

Bake for 2.5 hours (the sleep). Finished product should yield one seriously hot mess, sore to the touch, eyes slightly singed, and involuntarily averted from cleaning.

Letting this stiff and worthless entree to settle will only serve to ensure that nothing ever gets done in the house again. Thus, immediate and drastic measures must be taken and followed closely to avoid domestic apocalypse.

The key is to KEEP STIRRING or it will harden.

Next, get out the following ingredients-

This will produce a liquid that allows the concoction to rise:

These are set to ensure movement:

Pour concoction from bowl and observe. Add 3 gallons music. (Not optional.)

If you've followed the recipe exactly, the result should look like this:

If that works, blend the mess with this:

It should look like this:

Continue to fold the following ingredients in to taste:

(This is extra spicy, mix with caution.)

If your product holds up, continue with this, for presentation:

Much better, no?

If your recipe withstood all these steps, then you clearly used a dash of Moxie Clean.

(Disclaimer* This entire post is utterly gay. [Vicodin])


  1. A little gay, yes. But kind of fun as well! :)

  2. Kas--I totally love you. It was so brilliant in my mind I was pretty sure I'd be up for some sort of literary or humanitarian award, but as I pecked it out I was like "What the shit is this?!?!" But you know how scarce these posts have been, I figured I'd be forgiven. Still friends?

  3. Literary or humanitarian award indeed!

  4. Dana--Shut it! Not all of us are going to be the next New York Times' Best Seller. What major projects are giving you that come hither look, and which things are too scary to acknowledge?

    I've been busy putting the finishing touches on Quinn's and Reilly's rooms. They had things stored that are either treasured discoveries or really fucking lame, so our pending garage sale is handy. As pleasing as all the renovations are, it's of the utmost importance that the daily household tasks not be neglected. Like just because there's a couch in the kitchen, doesn't mean the dishes can stack up, or the garbage, you know? But I must confess to loving the new place. It's stupefying how even a Type A's threshold for activity can stretch into a transparent membrane when necessary. Yeah, I'm going to go with the humanitarian award, lol. More soon...

  5. Chey: Duh, still friends! No more vicodin for you if you forget that again!!! :P

    What's up with the lack of FB btw? I went to harass you and it's gone. You make things difficult, woman!