Saturday, September 11, 2010
Saturday Spotlight: 500 Things
My dearest Dana and I have an inside understanding (dysfunction) known as "500 things." These things are very real, very individual, and very much inspire us to do anything else. And I mean anything. Now these things are non-negotiable, such as: Register the kids for school, and Dana has been known to have a yard sale or lay a patio instead.
We all procrastinate. In my experience, the number one victim of neglect amongst my peers is ...wait for it... cleaning. Surprised? Me neither.
You all know I can clean all day long. In fact it's usually stopping that creates a problem, but no matter the satisfaction I derive from sparkling digs, the "500 things" are always looming. I operate in myriad modes. By rote, Post-Its, Post-Its on Post-Its, lists on beautiful paper with retro birds, napkins, my hand, and then the things that need no writing, such as break down the refrigerator box on the porch which prevents both entrance as well as exit. I will dodge all of these as long as possible, and in the interest of solidarity with Dana, and relating to my mamas who feel bad for avoiding cleaning like H1N1, I decided to post my Master List, the most urgent tasks, those which are virtually unrecognizable (and inaudible) under the dust.
Even Reilly has her own delay tactics. (Like mama like baby.)
The following drudgery originates from my "Massive OMG To Do List!" And I've listed the corresponding chores into whose comforting bosom I fled in order to deny them.
-Go to the bank = Clean some else's five story all wood house.
-Shop for a 13 year old's birthday gift for Reilly = Sort and toss ALL of our candles.
-Paint dresser = Scrub 17 (not kidding) shampoo/conditioner bottles, tension rod, etc.
-Call Chemeketa = Climb onto the refrigerator to kick some dust ass and align caddies.
-Call insurance company = Lose my list inside a magazine.
-Put the KROC Center key fab thing on my key chain = Gut our entire school inventory.
-Arrange portraits for the kids = Wash and bleach all waste baskets in the world.
-Call three different friends to get kids together = Getting rid of SO MANY CLOTHES.
-Call anyone = Have a garage sale.
-Call in two refills = Have another garage sale.
-Shop for knobs = Get Reilly's hair cut.
-Return sheets = Get Quinn's hair cut.
-Learn photoshop = Scrub the kitchen floor with bleach on my hands and knees.
-Make the one phone call that will land $2,000 in my hands = Rearrange laundry room.
-Send my new phone in for a new phone = Drink six gallons of bleach.
-Literally, look in my DVD folder for Howard's End (two seconds) = Helping others go through old clothes and delivering bags of hand-me-downs to others, even douche bags, just don't ask me to touch the folder.
I have practical freeze and cleaning default.
Dana and I are curious as to the absurd lengths y'all go to to avoid ________________.
Share and share alike.