Saturday, May 23, 2009


I'm pleased to report that I was afforded an hour and a half of sleep last, not because of quadruple Seroquel, but because Last Chance Harvey was such an insipid failure my body's natural reaction was to pass out, lest I suffer one more minute watching my beloved, exalted, Emma Thompson reduced to such insignificance. I fell asleep with a tear in my eye for Emma. When I awoke I realized my mom had snuck in with treats and the pink roses (these are roses, right?) she customarily brings when my body finds new and exciting ways to peek at death's door. And Hostess donuts. I'm no gardening girl, but pink roses really make me happy, ever since the first gargantuan bouquet she brought me when I had Reilly. Thanks Mom. For everything.

Okay ladies, it's Manic Cleaning Saturday, who's with me? This is the day wherein we run ourselves ragged in a race for our lives, doing the chores we dread most, so that next week isn't fraught with stress and self-loathing. It's worth it. Behold my battle plan for today:

You bet your booty I enlist my precious children in this war (the only war I currently support, I might add, and the only war they will ever see). Here are their lists:

Many of you have company, complicated circumstances, sadness, and lives outside your homes, so whatever you get done is worthy of the utmost praise, and will serve to ease your burden later. Tomorrow you can pick up the slack. You don't have to race around trying to beat the clock, foaming at the mouth, against doctors' orders, like I do. We do what works, and you guys, all of whom have described your various selves as lazy, incapable, too overwhelmed, etc., have exceeded my wildest expectations. Seriously, I thought I was going to have to post: This is a broom, it is useful in eliminating those five inches of debris from what were once your floors. You ladies keep me hopping. Inasmuch as lying around is hopping.

Some thoughts:

Sam-After lots of coffee, I want you, along with whatever you can get out of V & C, to tackle the areas/chores you most hate thinking about. If bits and pieces on the carpet don't bother you so much, skip it. But if the laundry is creeping up on you, or if you feel foreboding music when you pass the bathrooms, get on it. You can take all day today and as much time as you need tomorrow, but my goal for you is to enjoy H's days off without feeling torn between family time and cleaning. (Torn? A libra? Nooo...) PS--yesterday (mushy sentiment), thank you.

Megan-I know you've been pretty awesome at keeping the essentials afloat while your ma is in town, even going so far as to make her that splendid birthday dinner. What I hope for you is that, with her and Shawn both there, no, not relax, what kind of world do you think you're living in? Set your timer for one hour and bust out everything you feel is slipping. I've seen you kick some serious ass while we chat and Ivy sucks on my phone and hangs up on people, so I know what you can do with two free hands and time to think about what you're doing. Do it quickly, lest you grow that lizard skin...

Dawna-I know you've hit a rough patch. Just feel no guilt. Period. If you get something done, feel proud, and if not, so be it. We've all been there.

Gail-Have you replaced all your crooked hand towels since your company left? Stripped that bed? Vacuumed? How about joining me in looking at the window sills and checking high corners for cob webs? Any windows that could use to shine more brightly? You don't need me, but I'm curious as to what you do.

Jennifer-Is Z all better? All remnants of puketastrophe done and gone? Sounds like you're caught up on laundry, and I know you've drowned the bathroom recently. Give the kitchen a once-over and vacuum? Maybe tidy up bedrooms (change bedding?). That's it. You're doing FABULOUS!

Heather-Do you have some lemon ginger drop glasses to clean up? Hmmm? Maybe spiff up that living room where all those drunks were strewn about. :) Your house is pretty tidy, you don't need much guidance, only praise, and you will get that here. You rock.

Manda-Last I heard you were sitting pretty. Keep it up!

Katie-You don't have to be manic, but start with the basics to get rolling again. You know your pace, you know your priorities. Start there until you feel up to the challenge of amping it up.

MESINA-If I send you a plane ticket, can you just please come to me? :(...

Let me know what you accomplished, I love hearing how much further you all went than you expected. Anyone feeling a difference in the past two weeks?


  1. hi friend! you should see me in my purple do-rag today, i'm ready!! the kids are working and i should be...i plan to tackle floors and kitchen today, maybe some dusting, and yes, i will check those window sills. i refuse to clean the windows as they will be replaced soon (yea!). your list is so awesome, i can't come close, but after 3 cups of tea, i'm ready!! have a great day.

  2. Gail-I'm back on the couch after a dizzy spell, but I'm going to try again soon. I would give ANYTHING to see your do-rag!

  3. I'm not sure what they are, but roses they ain't. =) Maybe budding carnations?

    With my beautiful, wonderful, fabulous guest in town for the weekend and all of our running around you would think that I would have fallen behind on my housework...but no. I'm still going strong. I have been very good about cleaning up as I go (while cooking three, semi elaborate, meals a day from scratch)After everyone else is in bed I also prep breakfast for the next morning (like pre-baking scones, pre-sauteeing veggies and mixing up eggs for a frittata, or blending up the for a pancake souffle, etc) do all of the remaining dishes, run the dish washer, start and fold a load of laundry (lots of cloth napkins being used), I wipe everything down, straighten everything up, empty the garbage/recycling/compost, and even sweep and spot clean my floors. In the mornings, I get up a little early, start the coffee, and the breakfast (which is easy work from the night before prep, for which I am very thankful and pleased with myself each time), unload the dish washer, and everything is fresh and clean and smelling great when all of the little birdies stretch and emerge from their respective rooms.

  4. "foreboding music when you pass the bathrooms" !!!

    LMAO! Have you been to my house when I was out? How did you know? I thought someone may be piping the music in from somewhere...

    I just finished morning meds, vitamins, supplements (that takes a solid 20 minutes to prep and another 20+ to administer), fed the kids their kefir smoothies, tasked them with dishes, and am ready to start rotating laundry and, gods, cleaning the bathrooms.

    Oh, and the dog needs a bath today. woohoo.

  5. My mom likes to clean *gasp* and is very helpful. I'm getting a lot of breaks but really should be doing things and taking better advantage.

    We have box unpacking planned for this evening. Silver Creek Falls and then gardening tomorrow. And a full day on Monday too as it's her last day.

  6. Yep, Jacob's right; they're carnations. I love carnations! They smell good and last SO long!

    What did I get done today? Not much. I got a shower, a cup of coffee, and a nap and the day began to improve. Cleaning? Sadly, none. We have visitors to entertain.

    However, Steve did get some stuff done. He fixed breakast and did the dishes which is more than I can say. Ah well, tomorrow is another day.

  7. Well... I ended up having to drive to Beaver. No, not Beaverton, Beaver. So that ate up 4 hours. And, to be truthful, I'm still running on very low energy. So not much was getting done regardless.

    We did catch up on the dishes. There are more to do already, but, that's life. Megan knows my pain of no dishwasher. It makes it damn near impossible to keep an empty sink. At least for me.

    And we straightened the living room, rotated laundry and sat and played video games. That was my day.


  8. Gail-I LOVED the do-rag, and your refusal to clean windows pending replacement. Sounds like you've got everything under control. (Who, you?)

    Jacob-Okay, maybe not roses, but a cheerful surprise nonetheless. All I can say is, there is a B&B calling your name!

    Sam-I am determined not to let you be the unsung hero of Moxieclean. You do more than anyone, and as far as I'm concerned, anything you do in the house just inspires that much more awe.

    Megan-Sounds like you've struck a delicious balance of taking advantage of the extra hands and still enjoying your visit. Rockstar.

    Dawna-Okay, carnations, but they still made me happy. It's okay to reboot and start again when you're ready. Without you, there ain't no nothing, so you first, and then the rest. :)