MANIC CLEANING SATURDAY! Get on Board!

I'm pleased to report that I was afforded an hour and a half of sleep last night...no, not because of quadruple Seroquel, but because Last Chance Harvey was such an insipid failure my body's natural reaction was to pass out, lest I suffer one more minute watching my beloved, exalted, Emma Thompson reduced to such insignificance. I fell asleep with a tear in my eye for Emma. When I awoke I realized my mom had snuck in with treats and the pink roses (these are roses, right?) she customarily brings when my body finds new and exciting ways to peek at death's door. And Hostess donuts. I'm no gardening girl, but pink roses really make me happy, ever since the first gargantuan bouquet she brought me when I had Reilly. Thanks Mom. For everything.


Okay ladies, it's Manic Cleaning Saturday, who's with me? This is the day wherein we run ourselves ragged in a race for our lives, doing the chores we dread most, so that next week isn't fraught with stress and self-loathing. It's worth it. Behold my battle plan for today:


You bet your booty I enlist my precious children in this war (the only war I currently support, I might add, and the only war they will ever see). Here are their lists:


Many of you have company, complicated circumstances, sadness, and lives outside your homes, so whatever you get done is worthy of the utmost praise, and will serve to ease your burden later. Tomorrow you can pick up the slack. You don't have to race around trying to beat the clock, foaming at the mouth, against doctors' orders, like I do. We do what works, and you guys, all of whom have described your various selves as lazy, incapable, too overwhelmed, etc., have exceeded my wildest expectations. Seriously, I thought I was going to have to post: This is a broom, it is useful in eliminating those five inches of debris from what were once your floors. You ladies keep me hopping. Inasmuch as lying around is hopping.

Some thoughts:

Sam-After lots of coffee, I want you, along with whatever you can get out of V & C, to tackle the areas/chores you most hate thinking about. If bits and pieces on the carpet don't bother you so much, skip it. But if the laundry is creeping up on you, or if you feel foreboding music when you pass the bathrooms, get on it. You can take all day today and as much time as you need tomorrow, but my goal for you is to enjoy H's days off without feeling torn between family time and cleaning. (Torn? A libra? Nooo...) PS--yesterday (mushy sentiment), thank you.

Megan-I know you've been pretty awesome at keeping the essentials afloat while your ma is in town, even going so far as to make her that splendid birthday dinner. What I hope for you is that, with her and Shawn both there, no, not relax, what kind of world do you think you're living in? Set your timer for one hour and bust out everything you feel is slipping. I've seen you kick some serious ass while we chat and Ivy sucks on my phone and hangs up on people, so I know what you can do with two free hands and time to think about what you're doing. Do it quickly, lest you grow that lizard skin...

Dawna-I know you've hit a rough patch. Just feel no guilt. Period. If you get something done, feel proud, and if not, so be it. We've all been there.

Gail-Have you replaced all your crooked hand towels since your company left? Stripped that bed? Vacuumed? How about joining me in looking at the window sills and checking high corners for cob webs? Any windows that could use to shine more brightly? You don't need me, but I'm curious as to what you do.

Jennifer-Is Z all better? All remnants of puketastrophe done and gone? Sounds like you're caught up on laundry, and I know you've drowned the bathroom recently. Give the kitchen a once-over and vacuum? Maybe tidy up bedrooms (change bedding?). That's it. You're doing FABULOUS!

Heather-Do you have some lemon ginger drop glasses to clean up? Hmmm? Maybe spiff up that living room where all those drunks were strewn about. :) Your house is pretty tidy, you don't need much guidance, only praise, and you will get that here. You rock.

Manda-Last I heard you were sitting pretty. Keep it up!

Katie-You don't have to be manic, but start with the basics to get rolling again. You know your pace, you know your priorities. Start there until you feel up to the challenge of amping it up.

MESINA-If I send you a plane ticket, can you just please come to me? :(...

Let me know what you accomplished, I love hearing how much further you all went than you expected. Anyone feeling a difference in the past two weeks?